How do I guide them when their best friend chooses someone else? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child’s best friend starts spending more time with someone else, it can feel like a deep and personal betrayal. Your child may feel replaced, rejected, or even begin to question whether they are worthy of friendship at all. This is a painful but important life lesson: friendships can and do shift, and learning to adapt with resilience and dignity is a vital part of growing up. 

Acknowledge the Pain of Feeling Replaced 

Begin with empathy, not by trying to solve the problem logically: 

• ‘I can see it really hurts your feelings when your best friend chooses to play with someone else.’ 

• ‘It feels very lonely when the person you count on most starts spending more time with others.’ 

By naming their feelings, you let them know that their sadness is valid and understood. 

Reassure Them of Their Worth 

Children often think that being left out means they are not good enough. It is important to remind them of their value: 

• ‘You are still a wonderful and kind friend, even if someone else is getting more attention right now.’ 

• ‘One person choosing to spend time with another friend does not take away any of your value.’ 

This helps to protect their confidence and prevents them from defining their entire self-worth by another child’s choices. 

Explain the Nature of Friendships 

Help them to understand that friendships are not about ownership or possession: 

• ‘A best friend can have more than one good friend, and so can you.’ 

• ‘Sometimes people spend more time with others for a little while, but it does not mean they have stopped caring about you.’ 

This helps to reframe the situation in their minds, softening the painful sting of feeling replaced. 

Teach Healthy Responses 

You can coach them to respond with dignity rather than reacting with jealousy: 

• Encourage them to continue greeting and speaking kindly to their friend. 

• Suggest that they can still gently include themselves in group play without demanding all of the attention. 

• Remind them not to speak badly about the new friend, as this can harm their own reputation and character. 

Broaden Their Social Circle 

Encourage your child to make new friends and explore other groups: 

• Help them to join clubs or activities where they can connect with others who share their interests. 

• Praise them for having the courage to reach out to classmates they might not normally approach. 

• Teach them that having several different friends helps to protect them from becoming over-dependent on one person. 

This proactive approach helps to expand their support system and reduces the pain caused by a single friendship shifting. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us that people may come and go in our lives, but Allah Almighty never leaves us. A child who feels ‘replaced’ needs to be gently reminded that their true worth is not measured by who chooses to be their friend, but by their own faith and character. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hadeed (57), Verse 4: 

‘…And He is always with you wherever you are; and Allah (Almighty) is All Seeing of all of your actions.’ 

This powerful verse can reassure a child that even when their friends seem to drift away, Allah Almighty is always with them, fully aware of their struggles and their patience. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2378, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A man is upon the religion of his close friend, so let one of you look at whom he befriends.’ 

This hadith reminds us that our friendships play a crucial role in shaping our character. If one friendship begins to shift, it may be a sign from Allah Almighty, gently guiding your child towards new companions who will bring even more goodness into their life. 

By grounding your child in this perspective, you help them to see that losing the exclusive attention of a friend is not the end of their world. They learn that while friendships can change, what matters most is being a kind, trustworthy, and beneficial friend themselves. 

Over time, they will come to understand that their dignity does not depend on being someone’s “number one.” Instead, their true worth is rooted in their faith, their character, and the everlasting companionship of Allah Almighty, who never abandons His faithful servants.