How do I guide them to include a left-out classmate when it will not earn points? 

Parenting Perspective 

Parents often wish that their child would naturally include others, yet it can be difficult for a young person to reach out when there is no obvious social reward, such as popularity or praise from a teacher. The real test of empathy begins here: doing good without the expectation of personal benefit. When you talk to your child about including a left-out classmate, start by validating their internal conflict. You could say, ‘I know it can feel awkward, but doing the right thing when it is hard shows true strength of character.’ By acknowledging the effort involved, you help your child to see kindness as a form of courage, not just compliance. 

The Power of Small Gestures 

Explain that inclusion does not always have to be a grand gesture of friendship; it can begin with simple acts, like making eye contact, offering a smile, or inviting someone to join a small part of an activity. You might say, ‘You do not have to become best friends, but you can be the one who makes sure they do not feel invisible.’ This reframes kindness as something that is manageable and human. Share stories of people who changed someone’s life with small, everyday acts of inclusion. 

Connect Inclusion to Integrity, Not Approval 

Children often link their behaviour to external outcomes like grades, praise, or peer acceptance. To build genuine empathy, it is important to shift their focus to inner satisfaction. You can ask reflective questions, such as, ‘How do you feel inside when you help someone to feel welcome?’ or ‘Would you want someone to do the same for you if you were feeling left out?’ Encourage your child to notice the sense of peace that follows a sincere act of kindness. This emotional feedback helps to build intrinsic motivation. 

Role-Modelling Kindness in Your Own Life 

Children imitate the generosity they see. Let them watch you including others, whether it is by greeting a quiet parent at the school gate, checking on a neighbour, or thanking a service worker. Afterwards, you can gently link your action to your faith and character: ‘It feels good to make people feel seen, does not it?’ These lived lessons speak much louder than lectures. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, inclusion is not a social favour but a form of worship. Every act that uplifts another person’s heart brings light to one’s own. Teaching your child to include others, especially when no one is watching, trains them to act for the sake of Allah, not for applause. This purifies their intention and strengthens their humility, both of which are deeply beloved qualities in Islam. 

Valuing Sincerity Over Recognition 

The Quran beautifully captures the essence of sincerity—doing good purely for the pleasure of Allah. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Insaan (76), Verses 8–9: 

‘And donate food, despite their own desire for nourishment, to the needy and the orphans and those held in captivity. Indeed, (they say in their hearts): “We are only feeding you for the sake of Allah (Almighty); we do not seek from you any reward or any gratitude”.’ 

You can share this verse with your child and say, ‘When you include someone who is left out, you are not doing it for points or praise; you are doing it for Allah.’ This helps them to detach the idea of goodness from recognition, nurturing the inner satisfaction that comes from an awareness of the divine. 

The Reward of Caring for the Lonely 

The teachings of our Prophet ﷺ tell us that our value in the sight of Allah is not measured by social approval, but by our service to others. 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 278, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most beloved of people to Allah are those who are most beneficial to others.’ 

When your child includes someone who is often left out, they become a source of benefit to that person, easing their loneliness and protecting their heart. You can tell your child, ‘Every time you make someone feel that they belong, Allah is pleased with you.’ This transforms the act of inclusion from a social favour into a sacred mission.