How do I guide them to apologise for copied behaviour? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child copies harmful behaviour like pushing, shouting, or using rude words they may resist taking ownership, believing the excuse ‘I was just copying’ absolves them of responsibility. Teaching them how to offer a sincere apology is essential for building accountability, empathy, and the skill of repairing relationships. A gently guided apology helps a child to understand that even when an action is copied, they remain responsible for their choice to perform it. 

Explaining Why Apologies are Important 

Use simple, positive language to explain the purpose of an apology. This approach frames it as an act of kindness, rather than a negative consequence or punishment. 

• ‘When we hurt someone, even by accident, saying sorry is like a plaster for their feelings.’ 

• ‘A sincere apology shows the other person that you care about them.’ 

Using Role-Play to Practise Apologising 

Practise apologising during calm and playful moments. This practice builds ‘muscle memory’, making it easier and more natural for them to apologise when a real situation occurs. 

• You can pretend to copy a silly but ‘wrong’ action, like putting a toy on your head at the dinner table. 

• Then, model the apology: ‘Oops, I am sorry. I was copying that cartoon character, but this is not the right place for that.’ 

• Invite your child to practise their own apology for a made-up scenario. 

Providing a Simple Script for Apologies 

Children often struggle because they do not know what to say. Having a few clear sentences to rely on can build their confidence in these difficult moments. 

• ‘I am sorry for copying that. It was not a kind choice.’ 

• ‘I should not have done that. Will you forgive me?’ 

Pairing Apologies with Better Choices 

An apology is most meaningful when it is connected to a commitment to change. After the apology, help them to practise the positive alternative. 

• If they copied a push, guide them to show how to use gentle hands instead. 

• If they copied a rude word, help them to think of a kind phrase they could use next time. 

This connects the apology to a positive future action, showing that a change in behaviour is what gives the words meaning. 

Praising Sincere Effort 

Even if an apology is delivered shyly or reluctantly, it is important to acknowledge the effort it took. The more you affirm the courage and kindness involved in apologising, the more natural and valued it will become for them. 

• ‘I know that was difficult to say, and I am very proud of you for doing it.’ 

• ‘That was a very kind and strong thing to do. Apologising shows a brave heart.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, taking responsibility for one’s actions and seeking to repair harm are fundamental aspects of good character and repentance. 

Guidance from the Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Aa’raaf (7), Verses 199: 

‘(O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ) adopt a forgiving approach, and encourage (the doing of) positive (moral) actions, and disregard those who are imbued in their ignorance.‘ 

This verse reminds us that forgiveness and enjoining what is good are hallmarks of a noble character. Guiding your child to apologise for a harmful action, even if copied, directly aligns with this Quranic principle of mending relationships and promoting good. 

Guidance from the Hadith 

It is recorded in Al Adab Al Mufrad, Hadith 1317, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong person is the one who controls himself at the time of anger.’ 

While this hadith is famously about self-control, it also implies that true strength is found in humility which includes having the humility to admit when one is wrong and to apologise. By guiding your child to apologise, you are helping them to practise this form of strength in their daily interactions. By teaching your child how to apologise sincerely, even for copied behaviour, you are nurturing the essential qualities of responsibility, humility, and empathy. These are the qualities that soften the heart, repair trust, and ultimately draw a person closer to Allah.