How do I guide them through jealousy when a friend succeeds? 

Parenting Perspective 

Every parent recognises that uneasy look that can come over a child when their friend wins an award, gets picked first for a team, or receives praise. Suddenly, your own child may grow quiet, irritable, or dismissive. Jealousy, though an uncomfortable emotion, is entirely natural. It is not a sign of a bad character, but a signal that your child is still learning how to manage comparisons. Your role is not to suppress the feeling, but to guide it towards self-awareness, gratitude, and the capacity for genuine joy for others. 

Understand the Emotion Before Correcting It 

Children often feel a sense of shame when jealousy appears. They may know that it is ‘wrong’ to feel envious, but they cannot help the feeling itself. It is best to start by normalising the feeling without approving of any negative behaviour that may result from it: ‘It sounds like you felt upset when your friend was praised. That is okay, it can be hard to see someone else get something that we also want.’ This simple acknowledgement teaches emotional honesty. It tells your child that their feelings are not sins; their actions are what matter. When you can name the emotion calmly, you remove some of its power to control their behaviour. 

Shift the Focus from Comparison to Growth 

Jealousy thrives on comparison. You can help your child to redirect their focus from ‘Why not me?’ to ‘What can I learn from this?’ 

• ‘What do you admire about what your friend did? Is there something in that which you would like to try for yourself?’ 

• ‘It seems she worked very hard for that. Let us think of one small change you could make to improve your own work next time.’ 

This approach helps to reframe jealousy as a motivator rather than as a measure of their own worth, which in turn builds resilience and a growth mindset. 

Build a Foundation of Self-Worth 

A child who feels valued for who they are will be less prone to envy. It is important to regularly highlight their unique strengths, not in comparison to others, but in simple appreciation. 

• ‘You have such a kind and generous heart.’ 

• ‘You are so patient when others get frustrated.’ 

• ‘You think about things so creatively, and that is a real gift.’ 

This helps to anchor their self-esteem in their identity, not in their achievements. The more secure a child feels in their own home, the less threatened they will feel by the successes of others outside of it. 

Spiritual Insight 

Jealousy (hasad) is a deeply human emotion, but Islam teaches us to recognise it early and to respond with gratitude, humility, and sincere good wishes for others. The noble Quran and the teachings of the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ offer timeless wisdom on how to manage this difficult test of the heart. 

Guarding the Heart Against Jealousy 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Falaq (113), Verses 1–5: 

‘ Say (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ), “I seek sanctuary with the Sustainer of the Dawn. (Refuge from) the wickedness that emanates from creation. (Refuge from) the wickedness of darkness of sin (when it spreads). (Refuge from) the wickedness of those who infuse (the occult practices) into the knots. (Refuge from) the wickedness of the envious when they are jealous”.‘ 

This chapter reminds us that envy can be harmful to both the envier and the one who is envied. Teaching your child to seek refuge in Allah Almighty, perhaps by reciting Surah Al Falaq, nurtures an awareness that jealousy is not a feeling to be indulged, but one to be purified through remembrance and supplication. 

The Prophetic Teaching on What Constitutes True Faith 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 45, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.’ 

This hadith transforms the idea of success from one of competition into one of community. When your child learns to rejoice in another’s achievement, they are able to experience the sweetness of iman, a faith that is generous and expansive, not envious. 

Encourage your child to reflect each night on three blessings that they already have in their life. Gratitude is the heart’s most powerful antidote to jealousy. It reminds them that Allah’s provisions are perfectly measured and that no one loses out because another person gains. You can also remind them: ‘What Allah has written for you will never pass you by, and what He has given to others does not reduce your share.’ This faith-based reassurance helps to turn a feeling of comparison into one of contentment. By guiding your child through the difficult emotion of jealousy, you are helping them to grow in both emotional maturity and spiritual depth.