How do I guide them after they were replaced as a “best friend”? 

Parenting Perspective 

When your child realises that someone they have been calling their ‘best friend’ has now chosen someone else, the hurt that they feel can run very deep. They may be left feeling confused, jealous, or even betrayed, all of which are emotions that can quietly begin to bruise their confidence. Teaching them how to process this sense of loss with a sense of dignity and of calm can help them to heal from the experience without any lingering feelings of bitterness. 

Understanding the Quiet Pain of Being Replaced 

It is important to begin by acknowledging the feelings that they are having. You could say, ‘It is okay to feel sad about this. It shows how much you cared about the friendship.’ This helps to validate their ache without feeding into any feelings of bitterness. You can then gently explain to them that our friendships will often shift and change as we grow. People can make new connections or can begin to explore new interests, and this is not always about anyone being at fault; it is simply a part of the natural rhythm of life, not an act of personal rejection. This can help to separate their own sense of self-worth from their friend’s choices. 

Coaching Them in a Graceful Response Instead of Retaliation 

Children in this situation can often want to try to win back their friend’s attention or to prove to them that they were not replaceable. It is a good idea to guide your child away from reacting from a place of pride. You could say, ‘You do not need to compete with anyone to keep their attention. The right kinds of friends will always value you in a natural way.’ You can also encourage them to remain polite, while also taking an emotional step back. They can still greet their former friend in a kind way or can join in with group activities, without having to force a sense of closeness. 

Building a Broader Circle of Belonging 

This can be seen as an opportunity to strengthen your child’s sense of their own identity, beyond their connection to just one friendship. You can remind them, ‘You are still the same kind, funny, and thoughtful person, even if someone else is not able to see it right now.’ You can also encourage them to spend more time with their other friends or to join in with new activities where new relationships have a chance to bloom. New bonds will not be able to erase the old one, but they can show your child that their sense of belonging does not have to depend on just one person’s approval. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches believers to value their friendships as a form of sacred trust, but to never cling to other people more tightly than they cling to Allah Almighty. When a person begins to drift away from us, it can be a powerful reminder that it is only the hearts of men that are able to move, and that they do so only by the command of Allah. Guiding your child to accept this kind of a change with a sense of patience (sabr) and of gratitude (shukr) can help to strengthen both their emotional and their spiritual sense of steadiness. 

The Quranic Reminder About What Truly Endures 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hadeed (57), Verse 20: 

‘Know that the life of this world is but amusement and diversion and adornment and boasting among you and competition in increase of wealth and children… but in the Hereafter is severe punishment and forgiveness from Allah and pleasure. And what is the worldly life except the enjoyment of delusion?…’ 

This verse can remind your child that our worldly attachments, even our dearest friendships, are by their very nature temporary. Their heart does not have to break completely when a person steps away from them; instead, they can choose to redirect their affection towards that which has a more lasting sense of goodness. 

The Prophetic Teaching on Finding Love and Balance 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1997, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Love the one you love moderately, perhaps he will become disliked to you one day; and hate the one you hate moderately, perhaps he will become beloved to you one day.’ 

This hadith teaches us the importance of moderation in our attachments. When your child is able to learn to love their friends with a sense of sincerity, but not in a possessive way, they are helping to protect their own sense of peace. The Prophet’s ﷺ wisdom can help them to understand that a change in a relationship does not have to destroy their affection for another person; it can in fact refine it. 

When your child is able to learn how to cope with a drifting friendship in a calm way, they can begin to discover for themselves that while their relationships may shift, their own sense of worth does not have to. They can come to realise that a sense of love does not just vanish; it transforms, making room for new people to enter their lives and for new opportunities for growth. 

Your own support in these moments can help them to see that the act of letting a person go in a kind way is not the same as losing them; it is about honouring what was, while also being able to welcome what will be. Over time, they will be able to carry this strength with them into their adulthood, remaining open-hearted but also grounded, and loyal but not dependent. 

When they are able to say, ‘I wish them well, but I am okay too,’ they will be practising the very essence of having faith in our friendships, of being able to hold on to a sense of dignity without any bitterness, and of trusting that the turning of every single heart is guided by the One who will never drift away from us.