How do I guide my child when they copy unhealthy competition from friends? 

Parenting Perspective 

While healthy competition can motivate children to grow, it becomes destructive when it turns into jealousy, constant comparison, and resentment. If your child begins to imitate friends who compete in negative ways whether over grades, possessions, or popularity it can introduce significant stress into your family life. Your aim is not to crush their ambition, but to reframe it as a journey of personal growth rather than a destructive rivalry against others. 

Why Children Copy Unhealthy Competition 

Children are often drawn into negative competition for underlying social and emotional reasons. They may be copying this behaviour because: 

• They see their friends gaining attention or status by ‘being the best’. 

• They are afraid of being left behind or looked down upon by their peers. 

• They have started to confuse their self-worth with winning or having more than others. 

Recognising these roots helps you address the emotional need beneath the behaviour. 

Define What Healthy Competition Means 

Sit with your child and clearly explain the difference between striving to improve oneself and competing simply to put others down. You could say: ‘Working hard to be your best self is a wonderful goal. But trying to make others feel small so you can feel big is not how we measure success.’ This conversation helps to frame competition as self-improvement rather than social comparison. 

Encourage Personal Goals 

Guide your child to set and celebrate goals based on their own progress, not on beating others. This shifts their focus inward and builds intrinsic motivation. Examples of personal goals include improving their handwriting compared to the previous term or finishing a project with more care and effort than before. Celebrating these personal milestones reduces the obsession with outshining friends. 

Reinforce Empathy and Teamwork 

Teach your child that true strength lies in celebrating the success of others as well as one’s own. Praise them warmly when they show encouragement to friends or siblings. A simple comment like, ‘I am so proud of how you congratulated your classmate on their achievement. That shows true character,’ teaches them that another person’s success does not diminish their own. 

Redirect Status-Seeking to Positive Outlets 

If your child is chasing praise and validation, help them find it through healthier, more meaningful avenues. Encourage them to earn respect by helping at home, making a positive contribution in class, or taking on a new responsibility. This shows them that lasting admiration comes from kindness and effort, not from a relentless need to win. 

By guiding your child towards personal growth over unhealthy rivalry, you equip them with the confidence to resist negative peer influence and build a sense of self-worth rooted in their own character. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam encourages striving for excellence (ihsan) in all that we do, but it strongly warns against the corrosive effects of jealousy, pride, and rivalry that harm the heart. True success in the sight of Allah is measured by one’s effort, sincerity, and good character. 

Competition over worldly matters is a fleeting distraction from what truly matters. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hadeed (57), Verse 20: 

‘Note that indeed, the life of this world is only: a drama; and amusement; and ostentatious; and superficial bragging between yourselves; and unbridled desire for capitalism and offspring…’ 

This verse reminds us that an obsession with worldly competition is a diversion. What truly lasts are faith and righteous deeds, not the temporary status gained from outshining others. 

Envy and rivalry destroy the bonds of brotherhood that are central to a healthy faith. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2564, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Do not envy one another, do not inflate prices one to another, do not hate one another, do not turn away from one another, but be, O servants of Allah, brothers.’ 

This hadith teaches a fundamental principle: our interactions should be based on unity and mutual support, not rivalry. When you guide your child away from unhealthy competition, you are helping them see that true dignity lies in striving for their best while wishing good for others. Over time, they will learn that real excellence is measured not by comparison, but by character.