How do I guide a child who pushed in anger but now feels awful? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child pushes someone in anger and is then overcome with guilt, it presents a crucial teaching moment. As a parent, you may feel embarrassed or frustrated, but the fact that your child already feels awful shows that their empathy and conscience are developing. Your role is to help them learn how to handle their anger in healthier ways, while also guiding them to repair the hurt they have caused. 

See the Feeling Behind the Action 

Children often push because they cannot find the right words or because their emotions feel overwhelming. Begin by showing understanding for the feeling, not the action. 

• ‘You were feeling very angry, were you not?’ 

• ‘I can see that you feel bad about what happened now.’ 

This reassures them that you notice their emotions, not just their mistake. When a child feels understood, they are more open to learning better ways to respond. 

Teach Healthier Ways to Handle Anger 

Pushing is a physical reaction to an overwhelming emotion. To help break this habit, you can give your child simple, practical alternatives. 

• Take three deep breaths before reacting. 

• Step back or walk away when the feeling of anger starts to rise. 

• Use strong words, such as, ‘Stop, I do not like that.’ 

• Ask an adult for help instead of lashing out. 

Role-playing these options during a calm moment can make them easier for your child to recall and use in a real-life situation. 

Guide Them to Make Amends 

A feeling of regret should lead to an act of repair. You can show your child that when they hurt someone, they have a responsibility to try and fix it. Teach them three clear steps: 

1. Apologise: Keep it simple and sincere, such as, ‘I am sorry I pushed you. I was angry, but I should not have done that.’ 

2. Check on the other child: Teach them to ask, ‘Are you okay?’ This shows concern and helps to build empathy. 

3. Offer to make it right: They could share a toy or invite the other child back into their game. 

Stay Calm and Avoid Shaming 

When a child already feels awful about what they have done, harsh scolding can make them defensive. Instead of saying, ‘That was a terrible thing to do!’, you could try: ‘Pushing is not the right way to deal with our anger. Let’s think about what you could do differently next time.’ 

Reflect Together When Everyone Is Calm 

Later, when the emotions of the moment have passed, you can have a quiet talk. 

• ‘What were you feeling just before you pushed?’ 

• ‘What is something you could do instead if that happens again?’ 

• ‘It is okay to feel angry; it is not okay to hurt someone with your body.’ 

If Pushing Becomes a Pattern 

If pushing becomes a repeated behaviour, it is a sign that your child is struggling with emotional regulation. You can introduce more calming techniques, such as squeezing a stress toy or having a designated ‘cool-off corner’. It is also important to ensure they have enough healthy physical outlets for their energy, such as running, cycling, or other sports. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us that true goodness lies in our ability to control our anger and to choose forgiveness. By guiding your child to calm themselves instead of pushing, you are helping them to develop a character that is beloved to Allah. 

Restrain Anger, Earn Allah’s Love 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 134: 

‘Those (the believers are the ones) that spend (in the way of Allah Almighty) in times of abundance and hardship; they suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent.’ 

This verse shows that every moment of self-control is an opportunity to earn Allah’s love and to build better relationships with others. 

True Strength Is Self-Control 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2609, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong man is not the one who throws others down. Rather, the strong man is the one who controls himself when he is angry.’ 

This hadith is a powerful teaching for a child. You can simplify it by saying: ‘The Prophet ﷺ taught us that real strength is shown when you can stay calm, not when you push someone over.’ This reframes self-control as a source of honour and dignity, rather than as a weakness. 

By guiding your child through their anger with compassion and linking their efforts to their faith, you give them both emotional tools and spiritual motivation. They learn that their feelings of regret should lead to positive action: calming down, making amends, and striving to do better next time.