How do I get a response without repeating my child’s name five times? 

Parenting Perspective 

It can be deeply frustrating when a child appears to ignore your call. You might feel disrespected or even invisible, particularly after repeating their name multiple times. However, this behaviour is often less about defiance and more about their patterns of attention, the level of emotional connection, or inconsistent communication habits that have developed over time. 

Build Attention Before Speaking 

Before you call your child’s name, first ensure that you have their full attention. Many children, especially when they are younger, become completely absorbed in their activities, whether it is play, screens, or daydreams. Their brains naturally begin to filter out background noise. Rather than shouting from another room, move closer and use gentle physical or visual cues. 

• Approach calmly and stand where your child can see you. 

• Say their name once in a steady tone. 

• Pause until they make eye contact. 

• Then, deliver your instruction clearly and briefly. 

This process teaches them that your voice signifies something that is worth their focus. Over time, the need to repeat their name will naturally decrease. 

Avoid the “Background Noise” Effect 

If a child hears their name used too frequently without a meaningful reason, they will start to tune it out, much like how an adult eventually learns to ignore the sound of traffic. Instead of repeating their name in frustration, reframe how you engage with them. Consider using natural variations such as: 

• ‘Could you look at me for a moment, please?’ 

• ‘I need your ears for a moment.’ 

• ‘Please pause what you are doing; I have something important to say.’ 

Each phrase shifts your child’s attention to the action you want rather than the repetition of their name, which can quickly lose its impact. 

Prioritise Connection Over Correction 

Children respond far better when they feel emotionally connected, not just commanded. If every time they hear their name it is attached to a demand, their instinct can become defensive. It is important to balance these calls with moments of warmth: ‘Ali, come and see this wonderful thing!’ or ‘Ali, I am so proud of you for finishing that.’ This strengthens your relationship and makes them more receptive when you do need to call them for an instruction. 

Reinforce Responsiveness Positively 

When your child responds the first or second time, acknowledge it warmly. A simple phrase like, ‘Thank you for listening straight away,’ reinforces good habits far more effectively than scolding. You can even use light-hearted role-play to practise listening. Such activities make responsiveness a fun and rewarding experience rather than a source of tension. 

Model Attentive Listening 

Children often mirror the behaviour they experience. When your child speaks to you, make a point of pausing what you are doing, looking at them, and responding thoughtfully. This models active listening and teaches them that communication is built on mutual respect. The more they feel listened to, the more naturally they will reciprocate. 

It is helpful to remember that a child’s inattentiveness is not always disobedience. It often reflects developmental immaturity or learned patterns of selective listening. Patience and consistency, not volume or repetition, will rebuild responsiveness in a calm and trusting environment. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, true communication is rooted in presence: being fully aware, attentive, and sincere in any interaction. These same principles apply to parenting. Our words carry weight only when our hearts are also engaged. 

Attentive Listening in the Noble Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verse 63: 

‘And the true servants of the One Who is Most Beneficent are those who wander around the Earth with humility; and when they are addressed by the ignorant people, they say: “Peace be unto you”.‘ 

This verse reminds us that the people most beloved to Allah Almighty are calm, attentive, and measured in their speech. They neither react impulsively nor raise their voices unnecessarily. As parents, embodying this serenity teaches children that communication is not about control but about mutual respect. 

Respectful Attention in the Prophet’s Teachings 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2392, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘When one of you loves his brother, let him inform him of it.’ 

This hadith highlights the importance of expressing connection through our words. It reminds us that warmth and acknowledgement strengthen responsiveness far more than frustration. When you call your child with kindness, not just to issue a command, you invite cooperation that is built on an emotional trust, which is the foundation of all respectful communication in Islam. 

Communication, at its heart, is a spiritual act. When you choose to slow down, approach your child calmly, and wait for a connection before speaking, you are not just improving behaviour; you are teaching beautiful manners (adab) through your actions. Each respectful exchange becomes a form of silent remembrance, a reflection of the peace that Islam invites into the home. 

In moments of frustration, remember that patience is not weakness but strength under control. By reducing repetition and increasing your own mindfulness, you shift the atmosphere from one of irritation to one of intention. Over time, your child will learn that when you speak, it is worth listening, not out of fear, but because your words carry care.