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How do I gently explain to others that we do not hit or punish harshly in our home?

Parenting Perspective

When discussing your family’s method of discipline with others, especially those from older generations or different cultural backgrounds, it is important to be clear, calm, and consistent. Instead of arguing, start by recognising common goals that the wish for children to grow into respectful and responsible individuals. Clarify that your decisions as a parent are based on research indicating that strict discipline can result in fear or rebellion instead of effective learning. Make it clear that your goal is not to avoid consequences, but to educate by establishing respectful boundaries and consistently following through. For instance, ‘When my child acts out, I inform them that the behaviour is inappropriate, and I help them understand how to make it right.’ This can assist in presenting your decision as intentional and resolute, rather than allowing or lenient. Utilise language that refrains from criticising their approaches and instead communicate what has proven to be beneficial for your family. A respectful tone helps keep the conversation productive instead of confrontational.

Spiritual Insight

Parenting in Islam is grounded in mercy, justice, and accountability. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Anbiyaa (21), Verse 107: ‘And We (Allah Almighty) did not send you (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ), except as a mercy for the whole of the trans-universal existence.’ This serves as a key reference for all Muslims; the example set by the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was characterised by profound compassion, as he never struck a child or raised his voice in anger. Mercy should not be seen as a sign of weakness; rather, it is a form of strength that is directed by self-control. It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2318a that holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: ‘He who does not show mercy (towards his children), no mercy would be shown to him.’ When Muslims discipline with compassion, they embody the example set by the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ. Communicate to your family that you are striving to adhere to the teachings of the noble Quran and Sunnah in your approach to parenting. This is not about rejecting tradition; rather, it is about going back to the prophetic example, where children are seen as spiritual trusts, not as possessions to be controlled by force. This method allows you to maintain your parenting values while staying connected and respectful to your extended family.

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