Parenting Perspective 

Sibling rivalry is a natural part of family life, but when comparisons are made, especially in a negative way, it can escalate the rivalry and lead to lasting emotional hurt. Comparing siblings can make one child feel less valued and create deep resentment. The key to fixing the rivalry is to acknowledge the damage caused by the comparison, restore each child’s sense of individuality, and rebuild trust through fairness and love. 

Acknowledge the Impact of the Comparison 

The first step is to acknowledge the harm caused by comparing your children. Recognise how the comparison may have made them feel and validate the emotional impact it had on their self-esteem. 

• What to do: Begin by addressing both children directly, saying something like, ‘I realise I made a mistake by comparing you both, and I see how that has hurt you. I am sorry for making you feel less valued.’ 

• Why it works: Acknowledging the harm shows that you understand the emotional consequences of your actions and are willing to take responsibility. 

Apologise and Take Responsibility 

Sincere apologies are essential when repairing the relationship. Apologising for the comparison shows that you recognise your role in escalating the rivalry and that you are committed to doing better. 

• What to do: Offer a clear, heartfelt apology. For example, ‘I made a mistake by comparing you to each other, and I am truly sorry. I should have celebrated your individual strengths.’ 

• Why it works: A genuine apology shows that you are taking responsibility and that you care about repairing the relationship. 

Celebrate Each Child’s Individuality 

One of the most effective ways to fix sibling rivalry is to focus on celebrating each child’s unique qualities. Recognising their individuality will help them feel respected and reduce the sense of competition. 

• What to do: Take the time to recognise and celebrate what each child brings to the family. For instance, ‘I am so proud of how hard you have worked on your artwork. Your creativity is unique to you.’ 

• Why it works: Celebrating individuality helps each child feel appreciated for who they are, not in comparison to anyone else. 

Encourage Positive Interaction and Teamwork 

Sibling rivalry often flares up because of perceived competition for attention. A good way to repair this is by encouraging positive interactions and teamwork. 

• What to do: Plan activities where your children can work together, such as solving puzzles or working on a family project. Encourage them to support each other. 

• Why it works: By focusing on cooperation, you help reduce the competitive atmosphere and encourage positive bonding. 

Promote Open Communication Between Siblings 

Sometimes, children may hold onto resentment due to unresolved conflicts. Encouraging open communication between siblings can help address any misunderstandings. 

• What to do: Facilitate a conversation where both siblings can express how they feel. Encourage them to use ‘I’ statements to share their thoughts without placing blame. 

• Why it works: Encouraging open communication allows your children to acknowledge their emotions and understand each other’s feelings. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Importance of Brotherhood and Unity 

The noble Quran teaches us the importance of brotherhood and unity in Islam. In the context of sibling relationships, Allah encourages us to resolve conflicts with wisdom and respect, and to make peace. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 10: 

‘ Indeed, the believers are brothers (to each other); so, make peace with your brothers; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may receive His Mercy.‘ 

Unity among siblings is part of fostering harmony within the family. 

The Value of Protecting Dignity 

The teachings of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ highlight the value of keeping others’ confidences and protecting their dignity. When trust is broken, restoring it involves showing humility and acting with integrity. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 2546, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever conceals the faults of a believer, Allah will conceal his faults on the Day of Judgement.’ 

Rebuilding the relationship after harmful comparisons requires humility, patience, and a deep commitment to emotional connection. By celebrating individuality, encouraging cooperation, and fostering open communication, you can help heal the sibling rivalry and restore respect and harmony within your family.