How do I explain to my child what is happening in their body when they get angry?
Parenting Perspective
When a child gets angry, their body reacts in ways that can feel intense or scary to them. Clearly explaining these changes can help the child feel more in control. Anger can lead to a quicker heartbeat, tense muscles, and an increase in energy because of the release of stress hormones such as adrenaline. For a young child, these feelings can seem strong and new. Parents can kindly explain that this is how the body naturally reacts when it senses something is unfair, scary, or annoying. By assisting the child in identifying their emotions and understanding their physical responses, parents can aid them in developing emotional awareness. Statements like ‘When you feel hot and your fists get tight, that indicates your body is signalling for assistance to relax’ can support the child without causing embarrassment. Providing consistent support strategies, like deep breathing or counting slowly, can help the child practise calming responses when they recognise these physical signals. With time, this can lower the chances of sudden outbursts and promote a feeling of self-control.
Spiritual Insight
From an Islamic perspective, teaching children to understand and manage their emotions aligns with the principles of self-restraint, patience, and intentional action. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 134: ‘Those (the believers are the ones) that spend (in the way of Allah Almighty) in times of abundance and hardship; they suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent.’ This verse recognises the existence of anger yet commends those who manage to restrain it and act with kindness instead. The lesson is that the feeling itself is not wrong; what is important is how one chooses to act on it. When parents tell children that strong feelings, such as anger, are a natural part of how Allah Almighty created them, it helps to validate their feelings while also establishing important moral guidelines.
It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4784, that holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated:
‘…Anger comes from the devil, the devil was created of fire, and fire is extinguished only with water; so, when one of you becomes angry, he should perform ablution.’ Parents can use this teaching to help their children realise that strength lies not in shouting or hitting, but in the ability to pause, reflect, and make better choices. Introducing short Duas such as ‘A’oodhu billahi min ash-shaytaan ir-rajeem’ (I seek refuge in Allah Almighty from the accursed Shaytaan) can offer children a tangible way to seek divine support in the moment. In this way, helping children understand what happens in their body when they are angry becomes a step towards nurturing emotional awareness rooted in Islamic character.
