How Do I Explain Sensory Needs to Relatives Who Think It Is ‘Naughty’? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child has a meltdown over a scratchy jumper or lashes out when they are touched unexpectedly, some relatives may be quick to label the behaviour as ‘naughty’ or ‘spoilt’. In reality, the child is not choosing to create drama; their nervous system is simply shouting for help. Your job is to protect your child, keep your family bonds warm, and offer a clear and respectful education that can help to turn their scepticism into support. 

Lead With Dignity, Not Diagnosis 

It is best to open the conversation with a calm and simple statement that everyone can grasp. For example: ‘His body sometimes feels certain kinds of touch as pain. When we reduce those irritants and give him some deep pressure, he is able to calm down and behave kindly.’ Keep it short and to the point. People are more likely to remember a single sentence than a long seminar. It is important to centre the child’s dignity, not their difficulties, and to avoid using medical jargon unless you are specifically asked. 

Use Simple Analogies to Explain 

You can provide a simple picture to help your relatives understand. 

• Green: Comfortable clothes and predictable touch mean the body feels safe. 

• Yellow: Clothing tags, woolly jumpers, or crowded rooms mean the body is getting edgy. 

• Red: A surprise touch or a tight collar mean the body is moving into a state of defence. 

You can explain that your plan is to try to keep your child in the ‘green’ zone, and to use quick ‘yellow’ resets before they ever reach ‘red’. This helps to reframe their behaviour as biology, not badness. 

Offer Practical Ways for Relatives to Help 

Relatives often feel safer when they know what to do. You could share three simple bullet points with them that they can easily remember. 

• ‘Please ask before hugging. You can say, “Would you like a high-five or a wave?”’ 

• ‘If you see him fidgeting, you could offer him a job, like carrying the plates or fetching some water.’ 

• ‘If you think his clothes are making him itch, please tell me. We have a softer option ready for him.’ 

Giving them this information ahead of a visit can help to turn their potential criticism into a partnership. 

Use Scripts That Respect Everyone 

Having some mini-dialogues prepared can help you to hold the line without shaming anyone. 

• At greeting time: ‘He prefers high-fives to hugs. Thank you for checking with him first.’ 

• When comments start: ‘I know it can look like fussing, but it is actually a sign of discomfort. Watch this.’ You can then do a 20-second deep-pressure shoulder squeeze and let them see for themselves how the child settles. 

• If someone is insistent: ‘We are following the therapist’s plan for him. You can help us by offering him choices, not by applying pressure.’ 

Keep your tone warm and steady. Your own sense of calm will often be more persuasive than your words. 

Reframe Accommodations as Family Manners 

You could say, ‘We make a special tea for the uncle who has diabetes. We turn down the music for Grandma’s hearing. And we cut the tags out of his clothes and offer him high-fives. It is the same principle.’ Positioning this kind of sensory support as an act of everyday courtesy helps to normalise it for everyone. 

Prepare Your Child and Your Space in Advance 

Before any visits, you can prepare a soft-clothes kit, a weighted lap pad, and a designated quiet corner. It is also a good idea to prime your child with a plan: ‘If your clothes start to itch, say “itchy” and we will switch them. If a touch is too much, you can show me your palm-signal.’ This predictability can help to reduce the likelihood of explosions that might fuel any criticism. 

When you lead with calm facts, visible strategies, and a firm sense of courtesy, most relatives will soften their stance. Even if one or two do not, your child will learn a priceless lesson: that their needs are real, that their voice matters, and that the adults who love them will always protect both their feelings and their family ties. 

Spiritual Insight 

Explaining a child’s sensory needs is not about making excuses for them; it is an act of practising wisdom and mercy. Islam asks us to teach with kindness, to protect those who are vulnerable, and to choose the best words we can when we find that people’s hearts are unsure. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verses 125: 

‘Invite (people) to (follow) the (prescribed) pathways of your Sustainer with wisdom, and polite enlightened direction, and only argue with them in the politest manner…’ 

This reminds us that guidance is most likely to land well when it is delivered in a way that is both wise and gentle. Your tone, your patience, and your simple explanations are all acts of da’wah within your own family. You are modelling how believers can handle their differences, not with pride or mockery, but with a measured compassion and a desire to be of practical help. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6125, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Make things easy and do not make them difficult. Give glad tidings and do not drive people away.’ 

This teaches us that we should try to remove hardship wherever we can. Cutting a tag from a shirt, swapping a fabric, asking before touching, or offering a job to keep busy hands occupied are all small mercies that can open big doors. They can help to make your home a place of ease, not a place of trial, for a child whose senses are loud. 

You can end your visits with a brief family reflection or a du’a: ‘O Allah, please grant us wisdom in our words and mercy in our manners.’ In time, your relatives will come to see that accommodating your child’s sensory needs is simply an act of adab in action. Your child will feel protected rather than pressured, and your kinship will be strengthened by the very qualities that our faith honours most: dignity, patience, and a gentle respect for the way that Allah Almighty has created each and every heart and body.