Parenting Perspective 

Use Simple, Concrete Examples 

Children often confuse the concept of ‘fairness’ with ‘sameness,’ and expect identical treatment in every situation. To help clarify this, it is best to use simple, concrete examples that highlight their different needs. Explaining, ‘Your younger brother has an earlier bedtime because his growing body needs more sleep,’ or ‘We both have shoes, but yours are a different size because your feet are different,’ helps them to understand that fairness means giving everyone what they need, not just giving everyone the same thing. 

Practise Fairness in Daily Life 

When a situation arises where treatment is not identical, explain your reasoning calmly: ‘I am giving your sister extra help with this topic because it is new to her. I did the same for you when you were learning it.’ This reinforces that the underlying principles are the same for everyone, even if the application differs. Praising them when they show understanding helps them to see that fairness is about care and balance, not perfect equality. 

Different Treatment is Not Favouritism 

This approach builds trust, helping your children see that different treatment does not mean favouritism, but is a form of thoughtful and responsive parenting tailored to each child’s unique journey. 

Spiritual Insight 

True Fairness Lies in Justice 

Islam teaches that justice does not mean treating everyone identically, but rather giving each person their due according to their specific circumstances and needs. This principle reflects divine wisdom and mercy. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verse 90: 

‘Indeed, Allah (Almighty) orders you to promote justice and benevolence; and to be generous towards (positively developing) those that are within your jurisdiction; and to prevent that which is immoral, acts of irrationality, and cruelty…’ 

Be Just with Your Children 

The prophetic tradition gives parents a direct and clear command to be just with their children. This is not only a foundation of good parenting but is a sacred duty for which we are accountable to Allah. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, 2587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just with your children.’ 

Justice with Care and Mercy 

When you explain fairness from this perspective, your children learn that equality does not always mean sameness. They can begin to appreciate that true justice comes from meeting each person’s unique needs with care and mercy, just as Allah deals with all of His creation.