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How do I explain consequences in a way that connects back to Allah and not just ‘because I said so’? 

Parenting Perspective 

Shifting from Power to Purpose 

Children frequently oppose arbitrary discipline, saying things such as, Why do I have to? or That is not fair! Simply saying Because I said so may elicit short-term obedience, but it does not assist the child in internalising values. Real discipline should shape conscience rather than merely compliance. This is why connecting penalties to a higher goal, including accountability to Allah Almighty, is so important. 

A Strategy for Value-Based Guidance 

Replace power-based words with value-based guidance. For example, We speak kindly in this house because kindness is what Allah loves. This pushes discipline away from control and towards connection – between your expectations and their relationship with Allah. Explain the purpose of the punishment, such as You will lose screen time today due to dishonesty. Trust is essential in Islam, and we aim to create it, not destroy it. This frames the penalty as an opportunity for growth and accountability, rather than a punishment. Avoid making vague threats regarding Allah’s anger. Instead, encourage reflection: Allah sees everything, even the smallest actions. He is happy with us when we make the right decision, no matter how difficult it may be. That is what we strive for. Children learn to care more when they grasp why something matters rather than just what they are told. Create natural consequences whenever possible: if they offend someone, they must apologise; if they break something, they must help fix or replace it. Afterward, clarify: Making things right is part of our Deen ; it teaches us honesty, responsibility, and Ihsan (excellence in character). Over time, emphasise that your authority as a parent is founded on Amanah, a faith in Allah to guide them with knowledge and compassion. This ensures consistency and teaches your child that your rules represent something much deeper than personal mood or control. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, every activity, including parenting, is subject to intention and accountability to Allah. The purpose of creating limits is not to dominate, but to raise children who act well because they are mindful of Allah, not out of fear of others. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Anfal (8), Verse 29: 

O you who have believed, if you fear Allah, He will grant you a criterion and will remove from you your misdeeds and forgive you. And Allah is the possessor of great bounty. 

This verse instructs that individuals are granted discernment, which is the capacity to distinguish between right and evil, when they cultivate Taqwa, or God-consciousness. It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 2928, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you is responsible for his flock. 

This Hadith reminds parents that their responsibility is to lead, not govern, and that every decision should be made with the purpose of nurturing virtue. By calmly relating ordinary consequences to spiritual principles and life lessons, you develop a child who learns not just to obey, but also to comprehend — and, eventually, to choose what is right for the purpose of Allah Almighty. 

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