How do I encourage gratitude alongside sadness? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child is feeling sad, whether from losing a game, breaking something precious, or missing out on an opportunity, gratitude may feel like the last thing on their mind. Yet, teaching them to practise gratitude even in moments of sadness is one of the most powerful ways to nurture their emotional balance. It helps a child to understand that it is possible to feel two things at once: to acknowledge their sadness honestly while still being able to notice their blessings. 

Validate the Sadness First 

A child needs to know that their feelings are seen and respected. If you rush straight to a lesson about gratitude, they may feel that their sadness is being dismissed. Begin by saying: ‘I can see this has made you feel very sad. It is okay to feel that way.’ This validation gives them permission to process their sadness before they are asked to look for positives. 

Introduce Gratitude Gently 

Once your child feels heard, you can gently begin to shift their perspective. The goal is to show them that gratitude does not cancel out sadness, but can sit beside it. 

• If they have lost a toy, you could say: ‘It is sad to lose it, but we can also be thankful for all the happy times you had playing with it.’ 

• If they lost a match, you might remind them: ‘I know it hurts to lose, but was it not a blessing that you got to play with your friends and enjoy the game?’ 

Use a ‘Two Pockets’ Analogy 

You can help your child to visualise this emotional balance by imagining that they have two pockets in their heart. 

• One pocket is for holding their sadness. 

• The other pocket is for holding the things they are grateful for. 

You could say: ‘Even when one pocket feels heavy with sadness, the other pocket can still be filled with blessings.’ 

Build Simple Rituals of Gratitude 

Practical, consistent habits can make gratitude feel more natural, even on difficult days. 

• At bedtime, you could ask: ‘What was one thing that made you feel sad today, and what was one thing you are thankful for today?’ 

• Keep a ‘gratitude jar’ where your child can write or draw one blessing each day. 

• Use prayer times to pause and thank Allah for small, everyday things like food, family, or health. 

Mini Dialogue Example 

Child: ‘I feel so sad that I did not win the race.’ 

Parent: ‘Yes, I know that feels heavy. You worked very hard and it is disappointing. Can we also think of one thing to thank Allah for from today?’ 

Child: ‘That you came to watch me play.’ 

Parent: ‘Exactly. So today had some sadness in it, but it also had a blessing. Both can live together in our hearts.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, sadness and gratitude are not seen as opposites. The believer is taught to hold both at the same time: to feel their sorrow with sincerity, and in the same moment, to remain thankful to Allah. Teaching this beautiful balance to children helps them to connect their emotions to their faith in a meaningful way. 

Gratitude Is a Source of Increase 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Ibraheem (14), Verse 7: 

‘And (remember) when your Sustainer made this declaration; (saying that): “If you show gratitude, I (Allah Almighty) will indeed, amplify them for you (provisions and sustenance); however, if you become ungrateful, then indeed, My punishment is Meticulous (in execution)”.’ 

This verse is a powerful reminder that gratitude is always rewarded by Allah. You can explain this to your child by saying: ‘Even if today felt sad, when you take a moment to thank Allah for what you still have, He promises to give you even more blessings.’ 

The Believer’s Perfect Balance 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 27, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘How wonderful is the affair of the believer, for his affairs are all good. If something good happens to him, he is grateful and that is good for him. If something harmful befalls him, he is patient and that is good for him.’ 

This hadith can be simplified for children: ‘When we are happy, we thank Allah, and that is good for us. When we are sad, we can be patient and still thank Him for our other blessings, and that is also good for us. Either way, Allah is pleased with us.’ 

By reminding children of this balance, you help them to see that sadness is not wrong, and gratitude is not a forced happiness. Instead, they learn that both can exist together. Gratitude brings hope in moments of sadness, and sadness can make our gratitude even deeper.