How do I deal with tantrums in the car or when we are travelling?
Parenting Perspective
Incidents of tantrums during vehicular travel or journeys present significant stressors not only for the child involved but also for the parent, particularly when such occurrences transpire within limited spatial confines or interfere with meticulously organised schedules. Such instances generally occur because of factors including fatigue, hunger, boredom, or overstimulation. It is observed that children, especially those in their formative years, are in the process of developing their ability to adapt to alterations in their daily routines. They often encounter difficulties when faced with abrupt changes in expectations. It is prudent for a parent to commence by identifying and anticipating potential triggers. Strategically organising brief and feasible travel itineraries, preparing nutritious snacks, adhering to a consistent sleep regimen, and providing a preferred literary work or toy may significantly mitigate the potential for emotional distress. If a tantrum occurs, it is prudent to maintain composure, halt the vehicle if necessary to ensure safety, and communicate using calm and clear directives. It is essential to recognise the child’s emotional state of distress while simultaneously maintaining established boundaries. It is advisable to refrain from engaging in arguments or responding with heightened emotions, as such reactions frequently exacerbate the situation at hand. It is advisable to reiterate the established expectations to the child and provide an appropriate interval for them to acclimatise prior to continuing the journey. The establishment of consistent routines and the provision of a sense of safety are instrumental in fostering a feeling of security in children, particularly when they are exposed to unfamiliar environments.
Spiritual Insight
From an Islamic perspective, every challenge faced in parenting can be seen as an opportunity to practise Sabr, grow in character, and raise children with strong moral grounding. Allah Almighty reminds believers to practise patience and composure in moments of difficulty. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 153: ‘O those of you who are believers, seek assistance (from Allah Almighty) through resilience and prayer,
indeed, Allah (Almighty) is with those that are resilient’. During times when a tantrum challenges your patience, this verse provides support and a clear perspective. Parents are not expected to be perfect, but they are encouraged to be mindful and merciful, as demonstrated by the conduct of holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ.
It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Book 78, Hadith 6114, that holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: ‘The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger.’ A reminder like this is particularly important when you are travelling, as feelings of frustration can quickly result in loud voices or hasty responses. Opting for restraint and reacting with kindness reflects the principles we want to teach our children. Duas such as ‘Rabbi yassir wa la tu’assir’ (O my Lord, make it easy and do not make it difficult) can also provide comfort. In applying both foresight and faith, a parent turns what may be an exhausting journey into one of trust, learning, and inner growth.
