How do I deal with my child repeating gossip or mocking behaviour from friends? 

Parenting Perspective 

It can be troubling for a parent when their child starts to repeat gossip or mocking behaviour they have learned from friends. While it may seem harmless to a child, this habit quickly normalises disrespect and can damage trust. The challenge is not merely to stop the words, but to teach your child why this behaviour is so harmful and guide them towards more respectful forms of social engagement. 

Why Children Repeat Gossip or Mocking 

Children often imitate these behaviours for social reasons, not necessarily out of malice. They may be copying because: 

• They see peers using gossip or mockery to gain attention or appear popular. 

• They are unsure of how to participate in conversations without repeating what others say. 

• They enjoy the immediate reaction that a shocking story or a mocking comment can bring. 

Recognising these underlying reasons allows you to guide your child with empathy, not just discipline. 

Set a Clear Standard Against Gossip 

Explain calmly and firmly that gossip and mockery are not acceptable in your home. Frame this as a core family value. For example: ‘In our family, we do not repeat stories about others or make fun of them. We speak with honesty and kindness.’ Consistency is crucial; do not dismiss it as ‘just talk’, as this weakens the standard you are trying to set. 

Teach Alternatives to Gossip 

Help your child practise replacing harmful speech with healthier contributions. If they start to repeat something they heard about a friend, gently redirect them. You could suggest, ‘That sounds like a private matter. Instead of repeating it, a kind friend might just say, “I hope they are okay.”’ This gives them a concrete phrase that allows them to engage in a conversation without causing harm. 

Encourage Empathy Through Reflection 

Guide your child to consider the feelings of the person being discussed. Ask a simple, reflective question: ‘How would you feel if someone was repeating something unkind or untrue about you?’ Helping them imagine being on the receiving end of such words is a powerful way to develop empathy and make gossip less appealing. 

Reinforce Positive Speech 

Whenever your child demonstrates strength of character by sharing kind words, speaking honestly, or refusing to join in with harmful talk, praise them clearly. For instance: ‘I noticed you did not laugh when your friends were making fun of someone. That shows real strength and kindness.’ This builds their confidence to stand apart from the crowd, even when peer pressure is strong. 

By setting clear standards and nurturing empathy, you can help your child understand that gossip and mockery do not build real friendships. Instead, they will learn that respect and kindness are the foundations of truly valuable relationships. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, the tongue is considered a sacred trust (amanah). Gossip (ghibah) and mocking are not treated as minor faults but as serious sins that poison the heart and harm the community. Children must be taught from an early age that their words have weight and that they will be held accountable for them. 

Backbiting is portrayed in the Quran with a visceral image to show its ugliness and severity. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 12: 

‘…And do not spy (on each other) and do not let some of you backbite against others; would one of you like to eat the meat of his mortally expired brother? Not at all – you would find it repulsive…’ 

This powerful analogy reminds us that gossip is a deeply harmful act that spiritually degrades both the speaker and the person being spoken about. 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ defined backbiting in a clear and simple way that even a child can understand. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2589, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Do you know what backbiting is?’ They said, ‘Allah and His Messenger know best.’ He said, ‘It is to mention about your brother that which he would dislike.’ 

This teaches us that gossip is not just idle talk but a serious wrongdoing, even if the information shared is true. By guiding your child away from gossip and mockery, you are not only protecting their manners but also guarding their soul from sin. Over time, they will learn that kind speech brings dignity, while harmful words erode both friendships and faith.