Parenting Perspective 

The act of balancing your own parenting approach without dismissing that of your spouse requires humility, respect, and a shared focus on your child’s well-being. Conflicts often arise not because one particular method is harmful, but simply because each parent feels that their own voice is not being valued. Striking a healthy balance means finding room for both of your perspectives, while at the same time showing your spouse that their role in making decisions matters just as much as yours. 

Listen with Genuine Openness 

Before you share your own point of view, it is a powerful practice to reflect back what you have heard your spouse say. A simple comment like, ‘I can see why you feel that having more structure is important,’ can be very effective. This simple act can reassure your spouse that their input has been heard and respected. 

Find Your Overlapping Values 

Even if your preferred methods may differ, most parents want the same positive outcomes for their children, such as seeing them grow up with respect, kindness, and a sense of responsibility. Agreeing on your shared values can allow you to blend your different approaches, rather than feeling that you are in competition with one another. 

Practise Taking Turns in Your Application 

You can try alternating whose preferred method is used in some of the smaller, less critical situations. This can help to avoid the feeling that one particular style is always dominating, and it also teaches your child that both of their parents’ voices carry equal weight. 

Reframe Your Disagreements as a Source of Enrichment 

You can say to your spouse, ‘Your way of doing things often helps them to feel comforted, while my way helps them to learn discipline. Together, they are getting the benefit of both.’ This helps to shift the tone of your conversations away from competition and towards a sense of complementing one another. 

By making a conscious effort to value your spouse’s approach, you can help to reduce defensiveness, strengthen your sense of teamwork, and model for your child how two different perspectives can work together in a beautiful and harmonious way. 

Spiritual Insight 

Balance, Fairness, and Respect Between Spouses 

Islam teaches us to embrace the qualities of balance, fairness, and respect in our relationships, especially between spouses. Valuing each other’s perspectives when it comes to raising your children is an essential part of showing mercy and justice, and should not be seen as a competition. 

The Principle of a Balanced Community 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verses 143: 

‘And thus We (Allah Almighty) have designated you (O Muslims) as a community of (rational and logical) balance; so that you may become corroborators (over the actions) of mankind, and the Prophets can become corroborators over you…’ 

This verse reminds us that the principle of a just and balanced moderation (wasatiyyah) is a core Islamic value, one that should guide our family life as well. 

The Importance of Respecting Each Other’s Rights 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1163, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Indeed, you have rights over your women, and your women have rights over you.’ 

This hadith teaches that a sense of mutual respect and a clear recognition of each other’s rights are essential components of both a marriage and a parenting partnership. By choosing to balance your own way without dismissing your spouse’s, you are bringing the qualities of fairness, mercy, and respect into your home. Your child will then learn from your example that love is not about one parent winning, but is about creating a sense of unity by valuing your differences.