How do I apologise if I belittled their feelings after losing? 

Parenting Perspective 

When children lose a game or competition, their disappointment can be immense. If, in the heat of the moment, you respond with phrases like, ‘It is just a game,’ or, ‘Do not be so silly,’ you may unintentionally belittle their feelings. This can make them feel unseen, misunderstood, and alone in their sadness. Offering a sincere apology not only repairs the parent-child connection but also models humility and respect. It shows them that even parents make mistakes and that real strength lies in acknowledging them. 

Admit Your Mistake Honestly and Clearly 

A sincere apology begins with a simple and direct acknowledgement of where you went wrong. This immediately reassures your child that their emotional reaction was valid. 

• ‘I realise now that I made your feelings seem small when you lost today, and I am sorry for that.’ 

• ‘I should not have said it was silly to cry. I understand now that the game mattered a great deal to you.’ 

Explain Your Intention Without Making Excuses 

You can provide context for your words, but it is important to do so without justifying them. This teaches children that good intentions do not erase the impact of our words. 

• ‘I spoke too quickly because I did not want to see you feeling so sad, but I realise now that what I said was not helpful.’ 

• ‘I wanted to help you feel better, but I did not choose the right words.’ 

Reaffirm Their Right to Their Feelings 

After apologising, it is crucial to validate the emotions you previously dismissed. This helps to rebuild trust and assures your child that their feelings are safe with you. 

• ‘It is completely okay to feel sad when you lose; it just shows how much you cared.’ 

• ‘Your feelings are never too small or unimportant for me to care about.’ 

Commit to Handling It Differently Next Time 

Show your child what you have learned from the mistake and how you intend to respond better in the future. This models personal growth and accountability. 

• ‘Next time, instead of brushing your feelings off, I will try to say something like, “I know that was disappointing. Do you want to talk about it?”’ 

• ‘I will make sure to listen to you first, before I try to offer any advice.’ 

Reconnect with Affection 

End your apology with a gesture of warmth and connection, such as a hug, a kind word, or an offer to spend some quiet time together. Actions reinforce words, making the apology feel complete, sincere, and accepted. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam honours humility, honesty, and fairness in all relationships, including those between parents and children. A sincere apology from a parent does not diminish their authority; rather, it increases it, because it demonstrates a strength of character that is rooted in faith. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 10: 

‘Indeed, the believers are brothers (to each other); so, make peace with your brothers; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may receive His Mercy.’ 

This verse teaches us that repairing relationships and seeking reconciliation is an act that is beloved to Allah. For a parent, apologising to their child is a beautiful expression of this principle, and it is an act that invites divine mercy. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2588, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Charity does not decrease wealth, no one forgives except that Allah increases him in honour, and no one humbles himself for the sake of Allah except that Allah raises him in status.’ 

This hadith provides a powerful lesson for parents. It shows that humbling oneself for the sake of Allah, even in front of one’s own child, does not lead to a loss of respect. Instead, it is a direct path to being raised in status and honour by Allah Himself. When a child sees their parent apologise, they learn that true humility is a sign of strength, not weakness. 

By apologising sincerely, you model mercy, fairness, and accountability. Your child learns that all feelings deserve respect, mistakes can always be repaired, and humility is an integral part of a strong and noble character.