Parenting Perspective 

When a child acts rudely, it is easy to fall into the trap of using labels like ‘you are being so disrespectful’. While our intent is to correct, this language can make a child feel like their character is flawed, not just their behaviour. The key is to address the rudeness in a way that separates the action from the child, preserving their self-esteem while clearly correcting the mistake. 

Focus on the Behaviour, Not Their Character 

Instead of labelling your child, describe the action. Say, ‘That tone of voice sounded unkind,’ rather than ‘You are so rude.’ This approach makes the issue a specific, correctable behaviour, not a permanent part of their identity. 

Offer a Better Way 

A child who is corrected without being given a better option is left feeling criticised, not guided. Always provide a positive alternative: ‘Instead of shouting, you could try telling me, “I am feeling very frustrated right now.”’ This equips them with the tools they need for next time. 

Praise the Correction 

When they successfully adjust their tone or rephrase their words, acknowledge it with warmth. ‘Thank you for saying that again more kindly. Now I can really understand you,’ shows them that respectful communication is effective and appreciated. 

Teach That Mistakes Are for Learning 

By focusing on guidance over criticism, you teach a powerful lesson: making a mistake is not a sign of failure, but an opportunity to learn and grow. This builds a resilient mindset where they are not afraid to be corrected because they know it comes from a place of love. 

This method builds a child’s character and self-esteem, fostering respect instead of defensiveness. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Islamic approach to giving advice (naseeha) is rooted in mercy and the sincere desire to see others improve. Correction should never be a tool for humiliation; it should be a gentle act of guidance that uplifts the person while addressing the fault. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verse 125: 

‘ Invite (people) to (follow) the (prescribed) pathways of your Sustainer with wisdom, and polite enlightened direction, and only argue with them in the politest manner...’ 

This verse provides the divine framework for all forms of guidance. It commands us to use ‘wisdom’ and ‘good instruction’, which are inherently gentle and uplifting, rather than harsh or shaming. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6125, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Make things easy and do not make them difficult; give glad tidings and do not repel people.’ 

This prophetic instruction is a cornerstone of compassionate guidance. When we correct a child, our goal should be to ‘give glad tidings’ of a better way, not to ‘repel’ them with criticism that makes them feel hopeless. 

By addressing rudeness in a way that separates behaviour from identity, you mirror the prophetic approach of gentle guidance. Your child learns that making mistakes does not make them unworthy, but provides an opportunity to grow in character, faith, and respect.