Parenting Perspective 

Children can feel deeply unsettled when they witness their parents arguing, especially over everyday decisions. Applying the principle of Shura, or mutual consultation, can help couples make decisions quickly while preserving a peaceful family atmosphere. The key is to keep the immediate discussion brief and contained, revisiting the details in private later on. 

Pause and Postpone the Discussion 

When an immediate decision is required and you sense a disagreement, agree on a simple holding phrase. Something like, ‘That is a good question. We will think about it together and let you know in a few minutes’, signals unity to your child. It effectively postpones the debate and prevents them from being exposed to the conflict. 

Practise Brief ‘Micro-Consultations’ 

This involves stepping aside for a very brief, private exchange, perhaps a 60-second whisper in the kitchen, to find a middle ground. For example, one parent might suggest, ‘I think it is better to have no screens now, but what about twenty minutes after homework is finished?’ These quick, respectful exchanges demonstrate to children that their parents listen to one another rather than competing for control. 

Reserve Deeper Discussions for Private Moments 

It is important to have a mutual understanding that deeper, more complex discussions about discipline philosophies or family routines will always take place after the children are asleep. This allows you to protect the principle of Shura by engaging in it thoroughly, without overburdening your children with parental disagreements. 

By applying consultation in this contained and respectful way, you model effective decision-making and unity. Your children learn that it is possible to disagree without hostility and that teamwork is always more important than winning an argument. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places Shura at the very heart of righteous decision-making. In family life, spouses are called to consult one another with mercy and a commitment to justice. Practising quick consultation in front of children is a beautiful way to avoid arguments while honouring this vital Islamic principle. 

Consultation as a Mark of Faith 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verse 38: 

‘ And those people that respond to (the commandments of) their Sustainer, and establish prayer, and conduct their affairs between each other through consultation…’ 

This verse teaches us that engaging in consultation is a defining quality of a believer. Even the briefest moments of listening to one another’s perspective before making a family decision are a form of obedience to Allah Almighty. 

The Dislike of Quarrelsomeness 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 4523, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most hateful of men in the sight of Allah is the one who is most quarrelsome.’ 

This stark warning reminds us that constant arguing and contentiousness are deeply disliked by Allah Almighty. Choosing respectful consultation over public quarrelling is therefore not just good parenting but also a spiritually rewarding act. 

By practising Shura in short, calm ways, parents avoid conflict in front of their children while still honouring each other’s voice. This strengthens the marriage, teaches children about peaceful harmony, and reflects the prophetic balance of wisdom and mercy.