How can we set visit lengths that honour elders and protect routines? 

Parenting Perspective 

Family visits are a wonderful blessing, but they can often stretch late into the night, which can disrupt a child’s routine and leave parents feeling strained. Finding the right balance means honouring your elders with warmth and respect, while also safeguarding your own family’s need for sleep, routine, and stability. 

Step 1: Acknowledge the Value of Your Elders 

When you are planning a visit, always begin by expressing your appreciation. A simple phrase like, ‘We love spending time with you, and the children always look forward to it’ sets a positive and loving tone before you discuss any time limits. 

Step 2: Set Predictable Boundaries 

Explain your routine gently but firmly. You could say, ‘Because of the children’s bedtime, we will plan to visit from 5 PM until 8 PM’. By giving a clear start and end time, you normalise your family’s routine while still showing that you are keen to spend quality time together. 

Step 3: Use Structure Within the Visit 

Plan a shared activity, such as a meal or praying together, so that the visit feels purposeful and warm, even within a limited time frame. This shows your elders that although the time may be shorter, it is still rich and full of connection. 

Step 4: Involve Your Children in Showing Courtesy 

Encourage your children to greet their elders warmly and to help out during the visit. This reassures your relatives that a great deal of respect is being shown, even if the visits are not as long as they might be used to. 

Step 5: Hold the Boundary with Consistency 

If you allow exceptions to the rule too often, your family’s routine will quickly unravel. Staying consistent helps to build mutual respect, as your elders will come to learn that your limits are based on principle, not on a desire to be dismissive. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places immense importance on both honouring one’s elders and fulfilling one’s trusts, which includes the trust of caring for your children’s well-being. Achieving a balance between these two responsibilities is a mark of wisdom. 

A Quranic Reminder on Honouring Parents 

The Quran places the command to be good to one’s parents immediately after the command to worship Allah, which shows the immense importance of this duty. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 23: 

‘ And your Sustainer has decreed that you do not worship anyone except Him Alone; And (treat) parents favourably…’ 

This reminds us that kindness and respect for our elders are obligations that are tied directly to our faith. 

The Prophetic Teaching on Balanced Character 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught that a complete Islamic character involves having a balance between showing mercy to the young and honouring the old. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1921, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He is not one of us who does not show mercy to the young and honour to the elderly, and enjoin what is good and forbid what is evil.’ 

This teaches us that Islamic character is about giving each relationship its due right. 

By setting respectful visit lengths, you are fulfilling both trusts: your children are cared for, and your elders are honoured. Your family learns that true Islamic balance means serving each relationship in the way that it most needs, with wisdom and care.