How can we practise taking turns choosing games or seats? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children can often struggle with the concept of fairness, not because they want to be unkind, but because they have a deep-seated need to feel seen and valued. When it comes to choosing what game to play or where to sit, they may rush to be the one to decide first, worried that letting someone else choose will mean that they lose out. Teaching them the habit of taking turns is about more than just managing disputes; it is about developing their sense of empathy, their patience, and their capacity for cooperation, all of which are the foundational building blocks of lifelong friendship and teamwork. 

Begin with the Principle of Fairness 

It is helpful to start by explaining why taking turns is so important. You could say, ‘When everyone gets a turn to choose, it helps everyone to feel included and important. It is what keeps things fair and fun for all of us.’ Children are always more willing to cooperate when they are able to understand that the principle of fairness is there to protect them too. 

Use Clear and Predictable Systems 

Children can thrive on structure. You can practise the art of turn-taking by using simple systems that help to make the concept of fairness more visible to them. 

• The ‘Today, Tomorrow’ rule: ‘You can choose the game today, and your brother will choose tomorrow.’ 

• The coin toss: ‘Heads or tails will decide who gets to go first this time.’ 

• The choice jar: You can write each person’s name on a small slip of paper and then take turns in drawing one out of the jar. 

These predictable routines help to remove any emotional guesswork. When your child knows that their turn is guaranteed to come, they can relax and enjoy someone else’s choice without a sense of resentment. 

Teach Them the Joy of Flexibility 

You can explain to your child that letting other people choose sometimes is not an act of losing; it is an act of generosity. You could say, ‘When you let someone else pick the game, you are making them feel happy, and that is something that kind people always try to do.’ Over time, you can help them to link this idea with the emotional rewards that it can bring, such as how good it can feel when other people appreciate them for giving them a turn. This can help your child to see that cooperation can often lead to more joy than control. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, the qualities of fairness (adl) and kindness (ihsan) are seen as twin virtues. The acts of taking turns and of giving others a chance are simple but profound ways of practising both justice and humility. Helping your child to understand that sharing the act of choosing is an expression of their faith, not just a matter of good manners, can give these small, everyday moments a much deeper meaning. 

The Divine Balance of Justice and Generosity 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verse 90: 

‘ Indeed, Allah (Almighty) orders you to promote justice and benevolence; and to be generous towards (positively developing) those that are within your jurisdiction; and to prevent that which is immoral, acts of irrationality, and cruelty; and He (Allah Almighty) offers this enlightened direction so that you continue to realise (the true pathway of Islam).’ 

This verse beautifully summarises the essence of fairness, of being able to act with both justice and kindness at the same time. When your child is able to take turns in choosing a game or a seat, they are practising this divine sense of balance, standing up for a sense of fairness without being selfish, and showing a sense of generosity without giving up their own dignity. 

The Prophetic Example of Fairness in Everyday Life 

It is recorded in Al Adab Al Mufrad, Hadith 272, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most beloved of people to Allah are those who are most beneficial to others.’ 

This hadith reminds us that the best of all believers are those who are able to make other people feel valued and included. When your child is able to share the power to choose, by allowing a sibling, a friend, or a classmate to go first, they are embodying this prophetic spirit. They are becoming a source of peace and fairness, bringing a sense of ease to others through their simple acts of thoughtfulness. 

Teaching the art of turn-taking in games and in seating arrangements is about more than just teaching a sense of order; it is teaching a sense of empathy. Your child is learning that a sense of happiness can grow when everyone is given a voice. Each time they are able to wait, to share, or to suggest a fair way of deciding something, they are helping to build the habit of harmony, a quality that can strengthen both their friendships and your family life. 

Your own steady encouragement, your consistency, and your personal example will help them to see that fairness is not something to be feared, but something to be trusted. It is a principle that can ensure that everyone feels that they belong, including them. 

Spiritually, these small moments of fairness are acts of worship in our daily lives. They are reflections of the justice, the humility, and the kindness that are so deeply loved by Allah Almighty. When your child is able to let another person go first, and to smile while they are waiting for their own turn, they are not just learning good manners; they are practising their faith.