How can we model prophetic adab in disagreement without pretending we are not hurt or disappointed? 

Parenting Perspective 

Modelling prophetic adab in a disagreement does not mean suppressing your hurt or disappointment; it means learning to express those feelings without causing additional harm. Children are not damaged by witnessing disagreement, but by the destructive ways in which it can unfold. When we pretend nothing is wrong, we create emotional confusion. However, when we express our real emotions with a calm tone, measured words, and respectful timing, we teach our children that disappointment is a normal part of relationships and can be handled with grace. It is possible to say, “That hurt my feelings,” without raising your voice or belittling your partner. This balance is the backbone of the prophetic character: to be honest but never humiliating, and to be authentic yet always responsible. 

Making room for emotion without losing respect 

Children observe everything, from your tone of voice to the pauses between your words. So instead of trying to hide your hurt, let them see you navigate it constructively. Using phrases like, “I need a moment before we continue,” preserves dignity for both parents and teaches your child that a disagreement is not a sign of danger, but an opportunity for maturity. What matters is not perfection, but your consistent intention. Do you approach the conflict with self-awareness or with blame? Do you disagree in a way that repairs, or in a way that fractures? By choosing the former, you let your child witness that emotional honesty and good manners can, and should, go hand in hand. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ never pretended to be without feelings, but he never allowed his hurt to compromise his character. When he was disappointed, he did not resort to sarcasm or contempt. He voiced his feelings with calm clarity, often turning a moment of pain into a moment of teaching. This is the prophetic balance we should strive for in our homes: to feel our emotions deeply, yet to behave nobly. The goal is not to erase our hurt, but to sanctify it by responding in a way that builds trust within our families and draws us nearer to Allah. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verse 63: 

‘And the true servants of the One Who is Most Beneficent are those who wander around the Earth with humility; and when they are addressed by the ignorant people, they say: “Peace be unto you”. ‘

This verse captures a foundational principle of prophetic etiquette: the ability to remain emotionally anchored even when others misstep. Responding with peace in this context does not mean being passive; it means actively choosing restraint over reaction, and compassion over a desire for vengeance. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2609a, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong is not the one who overcomes others by strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger. ‘

So yes, you absolutely can and should acknowledge when you are hurt. When you do so with prophetic self-regulation, your children learn more than just words. They inherit a legacy: that true strength is not found in overpowering others, but in holding one’s pain with dignity and always returning to a state of love with honour. This is adab. This is Islam lived.