Parenting Perspective 

When both parents jump in to correct a child at the same time, the child can feel overwhelmed or ganged up on. They may even learn how to play one parent against the other. To avoid this, it is helpful for couples to agree on a clear system that determines who takes the lead in any given moment, while the other parent remains present and supportive. 

Decide on a Leadership System in Advance 

It is best to establish simple guidelines in advance, during a calm moment. This clarity removes in-the-moment confusion. For example, you could agree that: 

• The parent who first notices or addresses the behaviour is the one who will take the lead. 

• The other parent’s role is to support silently unless a genuine safety issue arises. 

• After the moment has passed, you can both discuss the approach privately if any adjustments are needed. 

Use a Simple ‘Unity Phrase’ 

It can also be helpful to agree on a short, discreet phrase to remind each other of your agreement. A quiet, ‘One voice now’, or, ‘You lead, I will support’, can act as a non-confrontational cue if one of you accidentally starts to take over. 

Demonstrate Your Support Visibly 

The parent who is not leading the correction can still play a vital, active role. Simple gestures like nodding in agreement, placing a gentle and reassuring hand on the child’s shoulder, or echoing the sentiment once with, ‘Yes, please listen to your Mum/Dad’, all show visible signs of unity without taking over the correction itself. 

Reserve Feedback for a Private Debrief 

If you disagree with how a particular correction was handled, it is crucial to save that discussion for a private time. This approach avoids undermining your partner in front of your child, while still creating the space to refine your joint approach as a team. 

By clearly deciding on your roles and offering calm support, you model effective teamwork for your children and ensure that your discipline remains consistent and free from unnecessary tension. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that justice, mercy, and unity are the cornerstones of family life. Parents are described as shepherds for their children, and a vital part of that responsibility is to show harmony and consistency when providing guidance. 

The Shared Responsibility to Guide 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Tahreem (66), Verse 6: 

‘ O you who are believers, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire (of Jahannam) whose fuel is people and stones…’ 

This verse makes it clear that parents share the profound responsibility of guiding and protecting their family. To fulfil this duty effectively, they must work together in unity. 

The Individual Shepherdhood of Each Parent 

It is recorded in Mishkaat Al Masaabih, Hadith 3685, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A man is a shepherd over the people of his house, and he is accountable for his flock; a woman is a shepherd over the house of her husband and his children, and she is accountable for them.’ 

This Hadith teaches us that while both parents are entrusted with a sacred responsibility, true success in this duty comes when they fulfil it with cooperation, clarity of roles, and mutual support. 

By agreeing who leads a correction and supporting each other calmly, you embody the Islamic principles of unity, mercy, and shared accountability. Your children then learn about discipline within a framework of stability, trust, and deep respect for both parents.