How can parents support teens who feel they must exaggerate or act out online to ‘belong’? 

Parenting Perspective 

Many teenagers feel an intense pressure to act louder, funnier, or more dramatic online than they are in real life, simply to be noticed and included by their peers. This constant performance can leave them feeling inauthentic, drained, and even confused about their real identity. Parents can offer crucial support by affirming that true belonging does not require exaggeration, but is built on the foundations of honesty and sincerity. 

Validate the Pressure They Feel 

Start by acknowledging the pressure they are under: ‘I can understand why you feel you have to act a certain way online; it can definitely seem like everyone is putting on a performance. It is important to know, though, that pretending to be someone you are not can actually damage your confidence over time.’ This approach shows empathy without judgement. 

Teach the Value of Authenticity 

Help your teenager to reflect on the nature of their online friendships. You could ask: ‘Do your friends like the real you, or are they only responding to the version of you that you act out online?’ Encourage them to see that relationships built on exaggeration are often fragile, whereas sincerity is what creates lasting respect. 

Highlight the Emotional Cost of Performance 

Gently explain that constantly performing for the attention of others can be a source of great stress and insecurity. You can contrast this with the deep sense of peace that comes from being accepted for who you truly are, without needing to pretend. 

Build Offline Belonging 

Create and encourage spaces where your teenager feels valued without needing to perform. This can include quality family time, nurturing trusted friendships, getting involved in community service, or pursuing creative outlets they genuinely enjoy. These real-world activities reinforce the message that they are already enough, just as they are. 

By offering understanding and consistently guiding them to value their own authenticity, parents can help their teenagers to realise that real belonging is not about performance, but about being true to their own character. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that true honour and respect are earned through sincerity (ikhlas) in one’s intentions and actions, not through showing off or exaggerating for the approval of other people. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Bayyinah (98), Verses 5: 

‘ And they were not commanded to worship anyone except Allah (Almighty); become sincere (in following) the pathway of life (compliant with existential nature as created by Allah Almighty), imbued with principled virtuosity, and to establish (ritual) prayer; and to spend in charitable causes; and that was the established pathway of life.‘ 

This verse reminds us that sincerity is the absolute foundation of a believer’s identity and worship. Our actions are meant to be for Allah alone, not for an online audience. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 1, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Actions are but by intention, and every man will have only what he intended.’ 

This is one of the most foundational teachings in Islam. It clarifies that the true value of any act, whether online or offline, is not in the performance that people see, but in the sincerity of our private intentions for the sake of Allah Almighty. 

By linking a teenager’s sense of self-worth to the Islamic principle of sincerity, parents can help them to see that seeking online approval through exaggeration is an empty pursuit. It helps them to learn, over time, that true belonging is found not in performing for people, but in being grounded in their own faith and character.