How can parents stay calm when they discover something shocking on their child’s device? 

Parenting Perspective 

Discovering shocking or inappropriate content on a child’s device can trigger immediate feelings of panic, anger, or deep disappointment in a parent. The natural urge might be to confront the child immediately. However, the first few moments are critical; a calm and measured response will build trust, while a harsh reaction can create lasting fear and secrecy. The key is to manage your own emotions first, so you can guide your child effectively.

 

Pause Before You React 

The most important first step is to pause. Taking a few moments to breathe deeply, step away into another room, or even make wudhu (ablution) can help to regulate your own emotions. This prevents you from making rash reactions that could damage trust and shut down the possibility of future honesty from your child. 

Choose Curiosity Over Accusation 

Instead of leading with an accusatory question like, ‘How could you look at this?’, it is far more effective to approach the situation with gentle curiosity. You could say: ‘I came across this on your phone, and I would like you to tell me what happened.’ This approach invites conversation rather than confrontation. A child is always more likely to be honest when they feel they will be heard, not just attacked. 

Balance Concern With Support 

It is important to make it clear that your primary goal is not to shame your child, but to protect them. Even when new boundaries need to be enforced as a result of the incident, your tone should reflect care. You can say: ‘This is a serious matter, but we will work through it together.’ This reassures the child that while their mistake has consequences, they will also have your support and guidance, not your rejection. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that true strength is found in self-restraint, especially when emotions are at their peak. By staying calm, parents can demonstrate strength, wisdom, and compassion. This not only makes a child more likely to open up, but also turns a shocking discovery into an opportunity for growth and protection. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verses 159: 

‘ So, it is by the mercy from Allah (Almighty) that you (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ) are lenient with them; and if you had been harsh (in your speech) or restrained (in your heart), they would have dispersed from around you; so, then pardon them, and ask for their forgiveness (from Allah Almighty); and consult them in all matters (of public administration)…’ 

This beautiful verse reminds us that a gentle and merciful approach, even in moments of disappointment, is far more effective in guiding others back to the right path than a harsh one. 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 646, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong man is not the one who can wrestle, but the one who controls himself at the time of anger.’ 

This teaching provides a powerful model for parents. It shows that true strength is found in self-control, especially when our emotions are high. 

By managing their shock with patience, parents can create a safe environment for their child to talk openly. This transforms a potentially damaging confrontation into a moment of guidance, trust, and spiritual growth for the entire family.