How can parents reassure children that coming forward will not automatically result in losing all device privileges? 

Parenting Perspective 

One of the biggest obstacles to a child reporting an online scare is the fear of having their device taken away completely. To keep the lines of communication open, parents must proactively separate safety interventions from blanket punishments. 

Make a ‘Safety First, Not Punishment’ Promise 

Address this fear head-on before an incident ever occurs. State clearly and regularly, ‘If you ever see something scary or make a mistake online, you will not automatically lose your device for telling me’. Explain that while you might need to make some temporary changes together for safety, your primary goal is to protect them, not to punish them. 

Involve Them in the Safety Plan 

After an incident, reinforce this promise by making them part of the solution. Instead of imposing a punishment, use collaborative language, such as, ‘Okay, let us agree on what steps will help you feel safer now, without taking away everything you enjoy’. This approach respects their maturity and shows them that you are on their team. 

By consciously removing the threat of total device loss, you lower the stakes for your child. This makes it far more likely that they will come to you for help as soon as a problem arises, which is the ultimate goal of any online safety plan. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam guides us to approach family matters with consultation and to make the path of righteousness easy, not difficult, for our children. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verse 38: 

‘And those people that respond to (the commandments of) their Sustainer, and establish prayer, and conduct their affairs between each other through consultation…‘ 

The principle of shura (mutual consultation) is a powerful tool in parenting. When deciding on the next steps after an online scare, involving the child in the discussion removes the sense of a top-down punishment. It transforms the situation into a shared problem to be solved, building trust and fairness. 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught an approach of encouragement, not intimidation. 

It is recorded in Sahih al-Bukhari, 69, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Make things easy and do not make them difficult, give glad tidings and do not make people run away.‘ 

This is a direct and beautiful piece of guidance for this exact situation. Threatening a child with the loss of their device makes being honest ‘difficult’ and may cause them to ‘run away’ into secrecy. Reassuring them that you will find a solution together ‘makes it easy’ for them to do the right thing and come to you for help.