How can parents prevent an older child from feeling singled out if younger siblings have looser rules? 

Parenting Perspective 

It is natural for an older child to perceive different rules as unfair. The key is to handle their feelings with empathy while clearly explaining that fairness is about meeting individual needs, not treating everyone identically. 

Acknowledge and Validate Their Feelings 

Before explaining your reasoning, start by validating their perspective. You can say, ‘I can see why it feels unfair that your younger brother has different rules’. This simple act of acknowledging their feelings shows that you are listening and helps them become more receptive to the conversation that follows. 

Explain ‘Fair’ vs. ‘Equal’ 

Gently explain that with age come different responsibilities and different privileges. You can say, ‘Because you are older, you have more responsibilities, like homework, but you also have more privileges, like a later bedtime. The rules are different for each age, and they will change for your brother when he is older too’. 

Balance Rules with Privileges 

Offset the stricter screen time rules by highlighting and even increasing the privileges that come with their age. This could include allowing them to choose when they use their screen time, giving them more say in a family movie choice, or trusting them with a new responsibility. This helps them feel the benefits of maturity, not just the restrictions. 

Keep Conversations Private 

Avoid discussing one child’s rules in front of another. Have separate, age-appropriate conversations with each child about their specific boundaries. This prevents public comparisons and reduces feelings of shame or resentment, allowing each child to feel that their rules were thoughtfully made just for them. 

By approaching the situation with empathy and clarity, parents can help an older child embrace their growing maturity instead of resenting it. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam commands justice within the family, but it defines this justice as giving each individual what is appropriate for them, which requires wisdom and balance. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verse 135: 

‘O you who are believers, remain upright in upholding justice…’ 

This verse reminds parents that their role is to be just. In a family, true justice (‘adl) is not about treating every child exactly the same. It is about understanding their different needs, capacities, and responsibilities at each stage of life and setting boundaries that are fair and beneficial for their development. 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ emphasised this principle of balanced fairness. 

It is recorded in Al Adab Al Mufrad, 140, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Treat your children fairly, treat your children fairly.‘ 

This instruction is a call to be wise and equitable. It is fair to have different rules for a sixteen-year-old and a six-year-old because their needs are different. By explaining this concept lovingly, parents are not just managing screen time; they are teaching a profound Islamic principle of justice and wisdom.