How can parents help a shy 13-year-old refuse to join in on inappropriate group video calls? 

Parenting Perspective 

For a shy teenager, the pressure to conform is immense, and saying “no” can feel terrifying. The key is to coach them with practical tools and emotional support, empowering them to protect their values with confidence. 

Validate Their Feelings and Frame the Goal 

Start by acknowledging their social anxiety: ‘I know it can feel really hard to say no when you do not want to upset your friends’. Then, reframe the situation as an act of courage: ‘Protecting your own privacy and values, even when it is awkward, is a sign of true strength and self-respect’. 

Prepare Polite and Simple Exit Phrases 

Role-play some easy, low-drama phrases they can use in the moment. Having a script ready prevents them from freezing up. Simple options include: 

• ‘Sorry, I have to go right now.‘ 

• ‘My parents have a strict rule about video calls.‘ 

• ‘I cannot join this one, but I will catch up with you all later.‘ 

Having these ready-to-use phrases can make a huge difference to their confidence. 

Offer Them a ‘Blame the Parents’ Option 

Give them an easy way out by letting them use you as an excuse. Reassure them that it is perfectly fine to say, ‘My mum is really strict about this stuff’ or ‘My dad checks my phone’. This tactic effectively deflects the social pressure away from them and onto a non-negotiable family rule. 

Praise Their Courage Privately 

Whenever your teen successfully avoids a difficult situation, offer them sincere and private praise. A simple, ‘That must have been difficult, and I am really proud of you for holding your ground,’ reinforces that their brave choice was the right one. This helps them associate setting boundaries with strength, not shame. 

By providing these tools and your unwavering support, you help a shy teen find their voice and protect their dignity. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that true dignity lies in remaining calm and principled, and that seeking the pleasure of Allah is the ultimate source of honour and confidence. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verse 63: 

‘And the true servants of the One Who is Most Beneficent are those who wander around the Earth with humility; and when they are addressed by the ignorant people, they say: “Peace be unto you”.’ 

This verse provides a beautiful model for a graceful exit. It teaches teenagers that the most dignified response to peer pressure is not to argue or get angry, but to simply and peacefully remove oneself from the situation with calm words, just as the “servants of the Most Merciful” do. 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught us whose approval truly matters. 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, 49, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever seeks to please Allah, even if it angers people, Allah will be pleased with him and make the people pleased with him.‘ 

This is a powerful source of courage for a teenager. It reminds them that while their friends’ approval may feel important in the moment, the pleasure of Allah is what brings true, lasting honour and success. Prioritising their values to please Allah is a choice that will ultimately earn them respect in this life and the next.