How can parents handle a child who accuses them of favouring one sibling in device access or privileges? 

Parenting Perspective 

It can be hurtful for a parent to be accused of favouritism, but such an accusation is often a child’s way of voicing their frustration over a perceived inequality. Access to devices and other privileges is a particularly sensitive area, as children naturally compare themselves to their siblings. The most effective response is one that validates their feelings while gently reinforcing the principles of fairness and transparency. 

Listen Without Dismissing 

Resist the urge to immediately deny the accusation with phrases like, ‘That is not true.’ Instead, create a safe space for dialogue by saying something like: ‘It sounds like you feel things are unfair at the moment. Can you help me understand why?’ This gives your child a chance to express their emotions constructively, rather than letting them build up into resentment. 

Explain Age-Appropriate Differences 

If the privileges in question differ due to age or maturity, explain the reasoning in a clear and loving way. For example: ‘Your sister has more freedom in some areas because she is older and has proven she can handle more responsibility. When you reach that stage, you will be given the same trust.’ Children are more likely to accept differences when they see they are linked to readiness, not to parental bias. 

Show Fairness in Other Ways 

You can help balance out stricter rules in one area by offering unique privileges in others. This could involve extra one-on-one time, a special outing, or allowing them to choose the family activity for the weekend. This reassures the child that they are valued equally, even if specific rules differ from their siblings. 

Stay Consistent and Transparent 

Inconsistency is often what fuels accusations of favouritism. Make your device rules clear and visible to everyone; a simple chart or a written family agreement can help with this. When children can see that the boundaries are being applied consistently to everyone, they are far less likely to believe that decisions are based on bias. 

By combining empathy with clear and consistent reasoning, parents can show their children that true fairness is not always about identical treatment, but about ensuring each child’s individual needs are met with wisdom and respect. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places an extremely high value on the principle of fairness, especially when it comes to treating one’s own children. Parents are explicitly warned against showing favouritism, as it is an act that can deeply damage the bonds of trust and love within a family. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah An Nahl (16), Verses 90: 

‘Indeed, Allah commands justice, good conduct, and giving to relatives, and forbids immorality, bad conduct, and oppression…’ 

This verse serves as a powerful reminder that justice is a divine command from Allah, and it must be applied with care in even the smallest of family matters. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1623, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just between your children.’ 

This direct and clear teaching frames justice in parenting as an act of taqwa (God-consciousness). It reminds parents that the trust their children place in them is also a trust before Allah Almighty. 

By consistently connecting family rules to the principle of fairness and explaining their decisions with transparency, parents can help their children understand that different privileges are granted based on wisdom, not favouritism. Over time, this approach provides deep reassurance that a parent’s love is equal for all their children, even when their individual rules and responsibilities may differ.