How can parents choose parental control tools without making children feel spied on? 

Parenting Perspective 

Frame it as Protection, Not Punishment 

Before installing any software, have an open and honest conversation about its purpose. Explain that in a world where online dangers are real, these tools are a way to help keep them safe, much like a seatbelt in a car. Framing it as an act of care and protection, rather than suspicion or surveillance, is crucial for maintaining trust. 

Make it a Collaborative Effort 

Involve your child in the process. Where appropriate, you can research different options together and discuss which features feel fair and necessary. When a child feels they are part of the decision, they are more likely to see the tool as a shared safety agreement rather than a restrictive measure being imposed upon them. This builds cooperation and reduces resentment. 

Establish Transparent Ground Rules 

Be clear about what the tools will monitor and what they will not. Set boundaries and agree on a timeframe, explaining that the level of oversight will be reduced as they demonstrate responsible online habits. This transparency prevents them from feeling that they are being secretly watched, which can severely damage the parent-child bond. 

Prioritise Safety Over Surveillance 

Choose tools that focus on genuine safety indicators, such as blocking inappropriate content, managing screen time, and flagging suspicious contacts. Avoid tools that provide unnecessary access to every private conversation, unless a specific, serious safety concern has arisen. The goal is to ensure their wellbeing while respecting their privacy as much as possible. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam guides us to balance the responsibility of protecting our loved ones with the command to avoid suspicion and uphold trust. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujurat (49), Verse 12: 

‘O you who have believed, avoid much suspicion. Indeed, some suspicion is sin. And do not spy…‘ 

This verse establishes a fundamental principle against unjustified spying. When using parental controls, this verse reminds parents that their intention must be rooted in sincere protection from known harms, not baseless suspicion. The approach should be one of guidance, not intrusion. 

Furthermore, a parent’s authority is a trust from Allah that must be exercised with justice and honesty. 

It is recorded in Sunan Nisai, 5075, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A ruler who is appointed over the people and dies while he cheats them will not even smell the fragrance of Paradise.‘ 

This profound hadith applies to all forms of leadership, including parenting. Using parental controls deceptively or breaking a child’s trust is a form of dishonesty in one’s leadership role. To be a just and fair guide, parents must be transparent and act in a way that honours this sacred trust.