How can my child support a peer who is being targeted, safely and kindly? 

Parenting Perspective 

When your child witnesses a peer being teased, excluded, or humiliated, it can be a confusing and frightening experience. They may want to help but worry about becoming the next target or making the situation worse. Guiding them on how to support others safely and kindly helps to transform them from bystanders into protectors, nurturing their empathy, courage, and wisdom. 

The objective is to show them how to take actions that comfort the person being harmed, discourage the harmful behaviour, and uphold kindness, all without placing themselves in danger or escalating the conflict. 

Start with Empathy 

Begin by exploring how it feels to witness unfairness. You can ask gentle questions to encourage reflection: 

• ‘What goes through your mind when you see someone being picked on?’ 

• ‘What do you wish someone would do if that were happening to you?’ 

These questions connect empathy with the ability to see things from another’s perspective. It reminds your child that compassion is not about heroic acts, but about responding in a way they would hope others would respond for them. 

Prioritise Safety Above All 

Make it clear to your child that their safety must always come first. They should never step into a situation that involves physical or heated confrontation. You can explain, ‘Your role is not to fight back; it is to help in ways that make things safer, not riskier.’ 

Teach them three important steps to follow: 

• Stay Calm: Breathe, think, and observe what is happening. 

• Seek Safety: Move toward trusted adults or safer spaces if the tension rises. 

• Support Kindly: Use calm words or small actions that show solidarity. 

This approach helps them to act from a place of grounded awareness rather than impulse. 

Teach Gentle Ways to Intervene 

If the situation feels manageable, such as teasing within a group, your child can use short, neutral statements to break the cycle. 

• ‘Hey, that is not cool.’ 

• ‘Come on, let us leave it.’ 

• ‘That is not fair.’ 

Even mild disapproval from a peer can interrupt group cruelty. Teach your child to say these things calmly, not angrily, as their tone communicates more than their words. If speaking up feels unsafe, they can redirect the attention instead by asking the targeted person a question (‘Hey, would you like to sit here?’), starting a new activity, or moving closer to an adult. 

Support After the Incident 

Many children believe that help only counts if it happens during the act of bullying. In reality, kindness shown after an incident can be even more powerful. Encourage your child to: 

• Sit with the student later at lunch. 

• Check in with them privately: ‘That looked difficult. Are you okay?’ 

• Walk with them after class. 

• Tell a teacher discreetly what they saw. 

Explain that being a quiet ally is just as valuable as being a public one. These small moments can restore a person’s dignity. 

Practise Through Role-Play 

Use gentle practice sessions at home to build their confidence. You can pretend that one of you is the one doing the teasing, and let your child try different ways to respond. You could say, ‘Let us try a few versions. What could you say that is kind but firm?’ This helps to turn moral ideas into muscle memory, so that calm words come more naturally under pressure. 

Reframe Reporting as Seeking Help 

Many children fear being seen as ‘snitches.’ It is important to reframe this act as seeking help, not tattling. Explain to them, ‘Telling an adult is not about getting someone into trouble; it is about getting someone out of trouble.’ Encourage them to identify safe adults in different settings, such as teachers or playground staff, so they know who to approach quickly. 

Acknowledge and Praise Courage 

When your child supports someone kindly, whether by including them, standing nearby, or reporting the issue privately, acknowledge their actions warmly. You could say, ‘I am proud of how you looked out for your classmate without causing a scene. That is real bravery.’ Such feedback builds the confidence they need to repeat the behaviour in the future. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places immense value on standing for justice and kindness, but always with wisdom and a concern for safety. Supporting those who are oppressed is an act of faith (iman), provided it is done with sincerity and balance. Teaching your child to protect others without aggression reflects the prophetic model of showing mercy with courage. 

Standing for Justice in the Noble Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verse 135: 

‘ O you who are believers, remain upright in upholding justice, bearing witness (to such actions) for the sake of Allah (Almighty); even if it goes against your own interest, or that of your parents, or your close relatives…’ 

This verse reminds us that faith requires moral bravery. Teaching your child to speak up gently when someone is being mistreated is a small but profound act of justice in the sight of Allah. 

Mercy Toward the Vulnerable in the Prophet’s Teachings 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 244, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The believers in their mutual kindness, compassion and sympathy are just like one body. When one of the limbs suffers, the whole body responds to it with wakefulness and fever.’ 

This hadith teaches that compassion is not a passive quality; it calls for shared care. When your child helps a peer in distress, they embody this sense of unity, showing that a believer’s heart moves towards the pain of others, not away from it. 

Through your gentle guidance, your child can learn that kindness and courage can exist together, that standing up does not have to mean shouting down, and that a person’s dignity can be protected without causing further harm. 

Each time they step in softly, include someone new, or alert an adult, they become a quiet defender of justice. As they grow, this habit of safe, sincere compassion will become a part of their character, a reflection of faith in action, and a reminder that even the smallest act of care can carry the weight of courage in the eyes of Allah Almighty.