How can my child share supplies without feeling used? 

Parenting Perspective 

Every parent hopes to raise a generous child, but this generosity should not have to come at the cost of their own self-respect. When children are kind-hearted, they can often say ‘yes’ automatically, sharing their pencils, their snacks, or their time, until they begin to feel that others are taking without giving anything back. Teaching your child how to share wisely, rather than blindly, can help them to stay kind without feeling drained or resentful. True generosity, after all, must always be balanced by healthy boundaries. 

Start by Understanding Their Emotion 

It is important to begin by validating your child’s feelings. You could say, ‘It sounds like you feel that people keep taking your things but do not share anything back with you.’ This simple acknowledgement tells them that it is okay to feel upset, and that their generosity should not mean that they are taken for granted. When children know that their feelings matter, they can become more open to learning a sense of balance, instead of retreating into a state of frustration. 

Redefine What It Means to Share 

You can explain to your child that sharing does not have to mean saying ‘yes’ to every single request. You might tell them, ‘Sharing means helping when you can, not always giving away what you need for yourself.’ You can use some practical examples to illustrate this. 

• ‘If you only have one eraser, it is okay to say, “I need it right now, but you can use it when I am done.”’ 

• ‘If you notice that someone is always asking you for things but never shares their own, you could help them in other ways, perhaps by lending them one piece instead of the whole pack.’ 

This helps your child to see that kindness and self-respect are not opposites, but are in fact partners. 

Teach Them How to Set Polite and Confident Boundaries 

Children can often struggle to say ‘no’ because they are afraid of sounding rude. You can give them a few gentle phrases to use that will help them to protect their boundaries while still remaining kind. 

• ‘I am using it right now, but I can share it with you later.’ 

• ‘I only have one of them left, sorry.’ 

• ‘I can help you to find one instead.’ 

It can be very helpful to role-play these lines at home so that they begin to sound calm and natural, not defensive. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, the quality of generosity (sakhā) is considered one of the most beautiful of all traits, but it is always meant to be balanced by a sense of justice and self-awareness. Teaching your child to share wisely helps to cultivate a sense of ihsan (excellence) in both their giving and in their setting of boundaries, of giving from the heart, not from a sense of guilt. 

The Balance Between Generosity and Prudence 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verse 67: 

‘And it is those people that do not spend extravagantly, nor miserly; and (act in such a way) that is a balanced format between these two (extreme characteristics).’ 

This verse beautifully captures the principle of balance, to be able to give freely but not wastefully. Helping your child to apply this sense of balance in their own sharing teaches them that moderation is a form of wisdom. When they are able to share in a thoughtful way, they are practising this divine sense of balance, being both generous and self-respecting at the same time. 

The Prophetic Example of Intentional Giving 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 530, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The upper hand is better than the lower hand; the upper hand is the one that gives, and the lower hand is the one that takes.’ 

This hadith teaches us that the act of giving is an honourable one, but it also implies that our giving should come from a place of strength and of choice, not from a sense of pressure or of weakness. When your child is able to share from a place of confidence and sincerity, they are embodying this prophetic teaching. 

Helping your child to share without feeling used is really about teaching them a sense of self-respect within the bounds of kindness. They can learn that their ‘yes’ only has meaning when it is given freely, not fearfully. With your support, they will be able to discover that it is possible to be kind without being taken advantage of, and to be generous without losing their own peace of mind. 

Your gentle guidance, helping them to use thoughtful words, to read situations wisely, and to notice what is fair, can lay the foundation for a healthy balance between their heart and their boundaries. Over time, they will be able to grow into a person who gives with open hands, but also with a steady and confident sense of self. 

Spiritually, this sense of balance mirrors the very essence of our faith: to give with sincerity, to protect what Allah has entrusted to us, and to remember that moderation is not the enemy of generosity, but is in fact its truest and most beautiful form.