How can my child practise assertive body language that feels natural? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child is subjected to teasing or exclusion, they often begin to shrink physically. Their shoulders may round, their gaze might drop, and their voice can become softer. Their body starts to mirror their internal uncertainty. Teaching assertive body language helps to reverse this. It is not about acting tough or intimidating others; it is about reclaiming a sense of presence and self-respect through calm, grounded physical expression. 

Confidence begins with how children carry themselves long before they speak a word. The aim is to guide your child from defensive postures to a state of natural self-assurance, so their body communicates, ‘I belong here,’ even when their voice is trembling. 

Explain True Assertiveness 

Begin by explaining what being assertive truly means. It is not arrogance or confrontation, but rather a form of calm strength. You could say, ‘Being assertive means standing in a way that shows you respect yourself and others at the same time.’ 

Ensure your child understands that they do not have to behave like someone else. Assertiveness should feel like a more authentic and steady version of themselves, not a performance. 

Practise a Calm and Strong Posture 

Help your child become aware of their posture in small ways throughout the day. 

• Feet grounded: Positioned shoulder-width apart for good balance. 

• Shoulders open: Encourage a relaxed posture, not a tense or stiff one. 

• Head level: Looking forward rather than down at the ground. 

• Breathing steady: Taking slow, even breaths to anchor a sense of calm. 

You can transform this into a simple morning exercise. Have them stand tall for a few moments in front of a mirror, take three slow breaths, and offer a gentle smile at their reflection. This daily ritual helps to rewire their body and mind, associating an upright posture with confidence rather than effort. 

Encourage Gentle Eye Contact 

Children who have experienced mockery often avoid eye contact because it can feel unsafe. Teach them that respectful, brief eye contact communicates self-belief, not confrontation. You can practise this together with a friendly game: ‘Let us look at each other while saying something kind, like “Good morning” or “Thank you.”’ 

This can then be extended to everyday interactions with teachers, shopkeepers, or peers. Encourage soft eye contact, which involves glancing up briefly before naturally looking away. 

Develop a Steady Voice 

Many anxious children rush their words when they speak. Help your child to pause before speaking, take a small breath, and then talk clearly and slowly. A low, steady tone is more effective than a loud one. You can demonstrate this: ‘Let us say this sentence as if you are sure of it: “Please do not talk to me like that.” Now, say it again while standing tall and breathing slowly.’ 

This coordination of posture, tone, and breath teaches composure under pressure, which is the essence of true assertiveness without aggression. 

Rehearse Common Scenarios 

Practise likely scenarios in short, realistic sessions. 

• A peer cuts in line: ‘Excuse me, I was here first.’ 

• Someone makes an unkind joke: ‘That is not funny to me.’ 

• A teacher asks for volunteers: ‘I can try.’ 

Coach them to keep their voice steady, their shoulders open, and their expression neutral. Emphasise that tone is more important than the specific words; calm firmness is more powerful than a clever comeback. Afterwards, praise their composure rather than the script: ‘I liked how you stood still and used a strong voice.’ 

Model and Acknowledge Progress 

Children may feel awkward when they first start. If they slouch or fidget, avoid correcting them sharply. Instead, model the desired posture. Stand beside them and say, ‘Let us both try the confident stance again.’ When they succeed, acknowledge it gently: ‘You looked really comfortable when you said that. Did you feel it?’ 

The objective is to make assertiveness feel natural, not rehearsed. Over time, this posture will become muscle memory for confidence. 

Connect Body Language to Inner Calm 

Assertiveness is most authentic when it is guided by self-control. Teach your child a grounding phrase they can repeat silently before responding to a tense situation, such as, ‘I am calm. I am respectful. I am strong.’ 

This internal reminder prevents assertiveness from becoming defensiveness. It reinforces the idea that true strength lies in composure, not dominance. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that dignity (‘izzah) is derived not from loudness, but from a self-respect that is rooted in the awareness of Allah Almighty. Assertive body language, when practised with humility, reflects balance; it is firm without being arrogant, and gentle without being fearful. It is a physical expression of refined character (adab): presence without pride. 

Dignified Presence in the Noble Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verse 63: 

‘And the true servants of the One Who is Most Beneficent are those who wander around the Earth with humility; and when they are addressed by the ignorant people, they say: “Peace be unto you”.’ 

This verse describes believers who walk with a quiet confidence that is both humble and unshaken. Teaching your child to stand tall while remaining gentle embodies the spirit of this verse, showing a strength that is anchored in peace. 

True Strength in the Prophet’s Teachings 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 125, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Modesty is a branch of faith.’ 

This hadith reinforces the spiritual foundation of poised and respectful behaviour. It shows that true assertiveness should never abandon humility; both qualities coexist in the conduct of a believer. 

Help your child practise a few seconds of calm strength each day through a steady stance, a deep breath, or a confident ‘hello.’ When repeated, these small acts become habits of dignity. 

Over time, their body will remember what their heart once doubted: that they are not defined by the words of others, but by their poise, patience, and quiet certainty in the care of Allah Almighty. 

As their shoulders lift and their voice steadies, they will begin to move through the world not with fear or pretence, but with the gentle power of a believer who knows that humility and strength were always meant to walk side by side.