How can limit-setting be handled when grandparents or relatives secretly allow more screen time? 

Parenting Perspective 

Navigating screen time rules with well-meaning relatives requires a delicate balance of respectful communication and firm consistency. The goal is to build a team approach, not create family conflict. 

Have a Private and Respectful Conversation 

Address the issue with elders privately, never in front of the child. Approach the conversation with respect and frame it around your child’s wellbeing. You can say, ‘We really value the time you spend with them, and we are trying to build healthier screen habits at home. Could we ask for your support in sticking to these limits when you are together?’ 

Use Positive Framing, Not Blame 

Instead of using accusatory language, focus on collaborative solutions. Rather than saying, ‘You let her watch too much TV,’ try a positive, forward-looking approach: ‘To help with her bedtime routine, could we agree on just one cartoon after lunch when she is with you?’ This makes relatives feel like part of the plan, not part of the problem. 

Suggest Screen-Free Alternatives 

Grandparents and relatives want to connect with your child, and screens are often just an easy default. Empower them by suggesting meaningful, non-screen activities they could do together, such as reading a beloved story, sharing a simple recipe, or teaching a craft. This helps them create lasting memories instead of just passing time. 

Maintain Consistency at Home 

If your child gets extra screen time at a relative’s house, do not create a conflict over it. Instead, calmly and firmly maintain your own household rules upon their return. You can say, ‘That is great you had fun at Nani’s house. Our screen time for the day is finished now, as per our rule’. This teaches the child that different homes may have different routines, but your family’s structure remains predictable and stable. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam provides a beautiful framework for navigating complex family dynamics, emphasising both kindness to elders and the responsible upbringing of children. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 23: 

‘ And your Sustainer has decreed that you do not worship anyone except Him Alone; And (treat) parents favourably…’ 

This verse reminds us that kindness and respect towards our own parents (a child’s grandparents) is a divine command. Even when we must address a disagreement about parenting styles, the conversation must be handled with the utmost honour and gentleness, upholding this core Islamic principle. 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught a perfectly balanced approach. 

It is recorded in Jami at-Tirmidhi, 1919, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He is not from us who does not show mercy to our young and respect to our elders.‘ 

This hadith is the complete guide for this situation. Parents are obligated to show “mercy to the young” by providing the consistent, healthy boundaries they need. At the same time, they must show “respect to their elders,” even when asking them to support those boundaries. By balancing both duties, parents model the highest form of Islamic character (adab) and preserve peace within the family.