Parenting Perspective 

It is a great blessing to have relatives who are willing to step in and help with the children. However, there are times when this help can cross the line into ‘taking over’, with relatives making decisions or setting rules that should be coming from the parents. If this is not addressed, it can confuse a child about whose guidance they should follow and can also strain family ties. The solution is to show genuine gratitude while also reasserting your parental role in a clear and kind way. 

Lead with Appreciation 

Always acknowledge their effort before you address the issue. A simple phrase like, ‘We really appreciate how much you love our children and want to help’ sets a positive and loving tone. 

Use ‘We’ Language to Show Unity 

Instead of sounding confrontational, it is best to frame your boundary as a joint decision with your spouse. For example, ‘We have agreed that we will be the ones to handle bedtime, but your support in other ways is a huge help to us’. 

Offer Alternative Ways to Be Involved 

You can gently redirect their energy to areas where their help would be most welcome. You could suggest, ‘The children absolutely love it when you read stories to them; that would be a wonderful way for you to connect with them’. 

Be Consistent with Your Boundaries 

If you give mixed signals by sometimes allowing a boundary to be crossed, relatives may think your rules are negotiable. It is important that you and your spouse stand united and consistent so that your children, and your relatives, see stability. 

Maintain a Warm but Clear Tone 

Firmness can coexist with affection. By speaking with calm confidence, you can reduce the chance of the other person feeling defensive and can help to preserve the harmony within the family. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam honours family ties and encourages helping one another, but it also makes it clear that parents carry the primary responsibility for raising their children. While accepting support is encouraged, the sacred trust (amānah) of a child’s upbringing ultimately lies with the mother and father. 

A Quranic Reminder on Parental Responsibility 

The Quran reminds us of the immense effort and sacrifice that parents make, which gives them a unique and divinely honoured role in their children’s lives that cannot be replaced. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Luqman (31), Verse 14: 

‘ And We (Allah Almighty) have decreed upon mankind in regard to his parents; his mother carried him (in pregnancy exposing her to) weakness upon weakness; and his dependent nourishment (from her) for two years; (thus O mankind) be grateful to Me (Allah Almighty) and to your parents, and to Me is (your ultimate) destination.‘ 

This reminds us that the parental role is divinely sanctioned and must be protected. 

The Prophetic Teaching on Supporting Others 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught that supporting others in the community is a highly rewarded act, but this support should never overtake the primary role of a parent. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6009, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The person who looks after a widow or a poor person is like the one who strives in the cause of Allah, or like the one who prays all night and fasts all day.’ 

This teaches us that while supporting families is rewarded, it does not mean replacing the parents’ role. 

By sincerely thanking your relatives while holding firm to your own responsibilities, you demonstrate to your children that while help is valued, their parental guidance remains primary. This balance strengthens your family bonds while keeping the sacred trust of parenting in its rightful place.