How can I teach them to respond when kids whisper and exclude them? 

Parenting Perspective 

When children whisper to one another while deliberately excluding someone, the intended message is clear: ‘You do not belong here.’ This form of social exclusion can cut deeply, leaving your child feeling embarrassed, lonely, or angry. As painful as it is, such moments also provide opportunities to teach resilience, dignity, and wise responses. Your role is to help your child process the hurt while guiding them towards constructive and self-respecting behaviour. 

Acknowledge the Pain First 

Begin with empathy so your child feels genuinely understood and heard: 

• ‘It must have hurt deeply to see them whispering and leaving you out like that.’ 

• ‘It feels very unfair when other people act so unkindly.’ 

This validation helps to ease the immediate sting of the experience and prevents them from bottling up feelings of shame. 

Reassure Them of Their Worth 

Children often think that being excluded means they are not “good enough.” It is important to remind them of their value: 

• ‘Their unkind behaviour does not decide your value as a person.’ 

• ‘Sometimes people whisper to try to feel powerful, but that does not make you any less important.’ 

This crucial step helps to separate their own self-worth from the unkind actions of others. 

Teach Calm and Dignified Responses 

You can coach your child in practical ways to respond to this situation without showing anger or tears: 

• With confidence: A polite but steady response can be effective, such as, ‘If you have something to say, you can say it to me as well.’ 

• With dignity: If the group continues to be unkind, encourage your child to walk away calmly rather than begging to be included. 

• With redirection: Help them to find a kinder group of peers to interact with or to start their own activity. 

Role-playing these different responses at home in a safe environment can help them feel more prepared and confident. 

Strengthen Their Social Courage 

Encourage your child to: 

• Greet all classmates openly, even those who have excluded them, as this shows great maturity. 

• Focus on forming bonds with kinder peers rather than chasing the approval of those who have hurt them. 

• Share their feelings with a trusted teacher if the exclusion becomes persistent and feels like bullying. 

By doing this, they learn that silence and composure can often be more powerful than retaliating. 

Build Their Resilience Outside of School 

Involve them in activities, clubs, or family circles where they feel genuinely valued and respected. When a child experiences a strong sense of belonging in other parts of their life, the sting of playground exclusion is significantly weakened. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us that whispering to exclude others is a harmful and sinful act, and that showing patience in such moments only raises a believer’s dignity. Even if other people try to shut us out, we can find comfort in the fact that Allah Almighty never leaves us unseen or unheard. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Mujadilah (58), Verse 10: 

‘Indeed, (all the other types of) secret consultations are (inspired) from Satan; so that he may cause grief to those people who are believers; and he is not able to harm anything except with the permission of Allah (Almighty); and upon Allah (Almighty) the believers should place their reliance (in all matters of the world).’ 

This verse directly addresses the pain of being whispered against. It reminds us that such behaviour is often inspired by Shaytan to create sadness in a believer’s heart, but that it cannot truly harm someone who places their trust in Allah Almighty. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2564, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Indeed, Allah does not look at your appearance or your wealth, but He looks at your hearts and your deeds.’ 

This hadith can reassure a child that what truly matters is not the whispers of other people, but the purity of their own heart and the sincerity of their good actions. 

By teaching your child these truths, you help them to lift their head high in the face of exclusion. They will learn that the unkind behaviour of their peers does not diminish their dignity, and that their true worth is found in their patience, their kindness, and their faith. 

Over time, your child will come to understand that while whispers may sting, they do not define them. Instead, what defines them is how they choose to respond: with calmness, self-respect, and a deep trust in Allah Almighty. This strength will not only help them to navigate the challenges of childhood friendships but will also prepare them for life’s greater tests with resilience and dignity.