How can I teach asking before borrowing a sibling’s things when I’m not there? 

Parenting Perspective 

When siblings borrow each other’s belongings without permission, it may seem like a minor issue, but it can quietly erode the trust and peace within a home. Teaching them to ask before taking is about more than just possessions; it is about building empathy, respect, and emotional boundaries that will protect their relationships in the future. 

Explain Why Permission Matters 

It is best to start this conversation when emotions are calm, not in the middle of an argument. You could say, ‘When we borrow something without asking, it can make the other person feel invisible, as if what is important to them does not matter to us.’ Relate it to their own sense of fairness: ‘You would not want someone to take your favourite toy or your charger without asking, would you?’ By focusing on feelings rather than just rules, you help your child to grasp the ‘why’ behind the ‘what’. 

Establish a Family Value: ‘Ask, Do Not Assume’ 

Create a simple family statement that everyone can remember: ‘We always ask before we borrow, even from the people we love.’ You can write this on a shared board or a note on the fridge. This shows that asking for permission is a sign of respect, not of suspicion. It also helps children to see that these boundaries apply to everyone, including adults. 

Practise the ‘Permission Script’ 

Provide your child with a short, polite way to ask for things. 

• ‘May I please borrow this for a little while? I will return it as soon as I have finished my homework.’ 

• ‘I need a ruler. May I use yours, please?’ 

Teach them to wait for the answer, especially if it is ‘no’. Explain that hearing ‘no’ is not a rejection; it is a sign that their sibling’s right to their own property is being respected. 

Model Respectful Borrowing Yourself 

Children mirror what they see in their parents. Let them watch you ask for permission: ‘May I borrow your glue stick for a moment?’ When parents practise what they preach, children internalise the behaviour as a part of the family culture, not just as a command. 

By nurturing empathy, clear communication, and calm boundaries, you help your siblings to see that asking is not a weakness; it is a way of honouring one another. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, seeking permission before using something that belongs to another person is a part of adab—the refined manners that are a reflection of inner faith. This practice protects relationships from hurt and hearts from feelings of arrogance. 

Respecting Boundaries as an Act of Faith 

The Quran teaches the etiquette of seeking permission even for entering a home. This same principle can be applied to a person’s belongings; if entering their space requires consent, so does using what they own. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Noor (24), Verse 27: 

‘O those of you who are believers, do not enter houses (of other people) except your own homes; unless you have permission from them, (and when you do) say Salaams upon the inhabitants; this is better for you (so that you can respect each other’s privacy) in (the application of) your thinking.’ 

You can tell your child, ‘Asking for permission before borrowing something is like knocking on a door before you enter; it is what keeps love and trust alive between people.’ 

A Matter of Trust 

The teachings of our Prophet ﷺ capture the ethical boundary at the heart of all relationships, including those between siblings. 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4882, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Every Muslim is sacred to another Muslim his blood, his wealth, and his honour.’ 

This hadith reminds children that another person’s belongings, even within the same family, deserve the same respect and protection that Islam grants to the rights of every believer. You can explain, ‘Borrowing without asking is not a harmless act; it touches upon the trust and respect that Allah commands us to have for one another.’ 

These small, consistent lessons in asking for permission will help to nurture a household that is built on trust, dignity, and mutual care.