How can I survive traffic delays when a child asks “how long” every minute? 

Parenting Perspective 

Traffic delays can test the patience of any driver, but they are especially challenging when you have a restless child in the back seat repeatedly asking, ‘How long until we are there?’ While it is tempting to snap in frustration, these moments are actually opportunities to model how to manage stress and to help your child with their own anxiety about waiting. 

Acknowledge Their Frustration 

A child often asks ‘how long?’ repeatedly because they feel bored and powerless in the situation. Acknowledging this can de-escalate the tension. This simple validation can reduce their need to keep asking and your urge to argue. 

• ‘I know waiting in the car for this long feels very boring.’ 

• ‘You really wish we could get there more quickly, do you not? I feel that too.’ 

Give Predictable Answers 

Instead of snapping, ‘Stop asking me that!’ try to provide a clear, consistent, and predictable response. This predictability gives them a sense of security and control over the unknown. 

• ‘I will give you an update when there are only ten minutes left.’ 

• ‘The map on the phone says it will be another twenty minutes. Let us try to count down in five-minute chunks together.’ 

Distract With Engagement 

Use the trapped time for some light and easy connection. This helps to shift their focus away from the frustration of waiting. 

• ‘Let us play a game of I-Spy with things we can see out of the window.’ 

• ‘Can you count how many red cars we pass before we get to the next traffic light?’ 

Model Calmness Yourself 

Your child will mirror your emotional tone. If you huff, sigh, and complain about the traffic, their own agitation will likely increase. You can use the delay as a practical teaching moment for both of you. 

• ‘It looks like this is a good chance for us to practise our patience together.’ 

• Child: ‘How long? How long? How long now?’ Parent: ‘It still feels like a long time, I know. The map says we will be there in about twenty minutes. Let us see how many buses we can spot before the next big roundabout.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Moments of forced waiting, such as being stuck in traffic, are potent opportunities to practise patience (sabr). Islam reminds us that there is a reward to be found in enduring life’s small and large delays with a steady heart. 

Patience in Difficulty 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Anfaal (8), Verses 46: 

‘And obey Allah (Almighty) and His Prophet (Muhammad ﷺ), and do not dispute (with each other) as it may weaken (your ranks), and would reduce your strength, and show resilience; indeed, Allah (Almighty) it is with those people who are resilient.‘ 

This verse reminds us that patience helps us to remain steady and strong, even in the midst of a frustrating and seemingly unproductive delay. 

The Prophet ﷺ on Restraining the Tongue 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 1469, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever tries to be patient, Allah will make him patient. Nobody can be given a blessing better and greater than patience.’ 

This hadith is a beautiful reminder that the very act of trying to be patient in a difficult situation is, in itself, a means of receiving more patience from Allah. It is a blessing we can seek and model for our children. 

By staying calm and offering your child structure, reassurance, and small distractions, you can turn a stressful car ride into a shared lesson in patience and connection. Over time, your child learns that waiting is not unbearable, but a chance to practise self-control and find moments of peace.