How can I support them if they practise hard but don’t make the cut? 

Parenting Perspective 

Few things sting more for a child than working tirelessly toward a goal, only to be told they did not make it. Whether it is a sports team, a spelling bee, a choir, or a drama production, not being selected after putting in hours of practice can leave them feeling utterly crushed. They may think, “What was the point of all that work?” or even start believing that their effort does not matter. As a parent, your role is to help them process their disappointment without losing hope, to show them that their practice was never wasted, and to equip them with the resilience needed for future challenges. 

Acknowledge Their Hard Work and Pain 

When they come home upset, resist the urge to jump straight into solutions or pep talks. It is best to start with empathy: 

• ‘I can see how much this hurts, especially after all the dedicated practice you put in.’ 

• ‘It is really disappointing when our effort does not bring the result we had hoped for.’ 

This validation tells them that you have seen both their effort and their pain, which is what they need most in that difficult moment. 

Reframe the Meaning of Effort 

A child may assume that all their practice was wasted because they were not chosen. You can help them to see that sincere effort always carries value: 

• ‘All of that practice has made you a stronger and more skilled person, even if you were not picked this time.’ 

• ‘You have built habits of discipline and focus, and those are qualities that will help you in so many other areas of your life.’ 

By reframing the situation in this way, you shift their focus away from the single outcome and towards the long-term benefits of persistence. 

Share Real-Life Stories of Setbacks 

Give them relatable examples of successful people who first had to face rejection: 

• You can talk about famous athletes who were cut from their early teams but went on to become stars. 

• Mention writers or inventors who were rejected many times before they achieved greatness. 

• Share a story from your own life about a time you did not make the cut but grew as a person in another direction. 

These stories help to normalise rejection and highlight the important truth that even the greatest successes are often built on a foundation of setbacks. 

Teach Practical Coping Skills 

• Self-talk: Encourage them to use positive phrases, such as, ‘This time did not work out, but I can always try again.’ 

• Reflect constructively: Ask gentle questions like, ‘What parts went well? What do you think you could improve on for next time?’ 

• Balance their perspective: Remind them that this is just one event and not the sum of who they are as a person. 

You could also plan a special family activity or meal to remind them that they are still celebrated and loved, regardless of the result they hoped for. 

Help Them Decide on the Next Step 

Once they are calm, you can guide them to think about the future: 

• Do they want to continue practising in this area and try again at the next opportunity? 

• Would they perhaps like to explore a different area where their efforts could shine? 

By giving them a sense of ownership over their next step, you help to prevent a feeling of helplessness and can turn their disappointment into determination. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, sincere effort is never wasted, even if the results do not match our hopes. What matters most is our sincerity, our patience, and our trust in the wisdom of Allah Almighty. Not making the cut after practising hard is not a failure; rather, it is a test of resilience and perhaps a divine redirection towards something even better. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Najam (53), Verse 39: 

‘And they shall be nothing (to account) for mankind except what he has undertaken.’ 

This verse assures us that every effort we make truly matters, even if the visible result is not immediate. For a child, this is a comforting reminder that their hours of practice are recorded and valued by Allah Almighty, regardless of whether they were selected for the team. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 1469, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘If Allah loves a servant, He tests him, to hear his supplication.’ 

This hadith teaches us that every situation, whether it appears to be a success or a disappointment, can hold a benefit for a true believer. If chosen for the team, gratitude is required. If not chosen, then patience becomes a source of immense reward and strength. 

By sharing these teachings, you help your child to see that their effort is never wasted in the sight of Allah Almighty. They can learn that disappointment is not the end of their story, but a lesson in patience, perseverance, and trust. 

Over time, they will come to realise that every setback helps to shape their character, preparing them for greater opportunities in the future. With your comfort, practical guidance, and these spiritual reminders, they will grow into resilient young believers who understand that sincere effort is in itself honourable, and that every path, whether it leads through success or rejection, is ultimately guided by the wisdom of Allah Almighty.