Parenting Perspective 

Sibling arguments are a natural and unavoidable part of family life. They are also a critical training ground for learning how to manage conflict. Our role as parents is not to prevent every disagreement, but to act as coaches, teaching our children how to express their strong emotions respectfully and develop the vital skill of self-control. 

Act as a Calm Mediator, Not a Judge 

When an argument gets too heated, your calm presence can de-escalate the tension. Step in with a firm but quiet voice and say, ‘It sounds like we all need a break. Let us take a few minutes to cool down before we talk.’ Your goal is to separate them, not to decide who is right. 

Give Them the Words for Their Feelings 

Children often shout because they lack a better way to express themselves. Help them build their emotional vocabulary by giving them scripts. During a calm moment, practise saying, ‘I feel angry when you take my things without asking,’ instead of just yelling ‘That is mine!’ 

Teach and Praise ‘Cooling-Off’ Strategies 

Actively teach them how to calm their own bodies. This could be taking deep ‘lion breaths’, squeezing a stress ball, or walking away to another room. When you see them use a strategy, praise it: ‘I saw you walk away to calm down. That was a very mature choice.’ 

Separate Feelings from Actions 

Through your guidance, you teach them a crucial lesson: all feelings are okay, but not all actions are okay. It is fine to feel angry, but it is not fine to shout hurtful words. This distinction is the foundation of emotional regulation and respectful conflict. 

This approach helps siblings learn to navigate their disagreements constructively, strengthening their relationship in the long run. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam views the ability to control one’s anger not as a sign of weakness, but as the ultimate expression of strength. Teaching children to manage their emotions during disagreements is a profound form of spiritual training. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 134: 

‘…They suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent.’ 

This beautiful verse lists restraining anger as one of the key characteristics of the ‘doers of good’ whom Allah loves. It frames self-control not just as a social skill, but as an act of devotion. 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4782, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘If one of you becomes angry while standing, let him sit down. If the anger leaves him, well and good; otherwise, let him lie down.’ 

This hadith provides a wonderfully practical, physical technique for managing anger. The act of changing one’s posture from standing to sitting or sitting to lying down is a Prophetic tool for de-escalating emotion and regaining control. 

By linking emotional self-control to Islamic values, you help your children see that patience in sibling arguments is not weakness but strength. Over time, they will learn that managing anger and choosing respectful words is part of faith, character, and family harmony.