How can I stop sibling rivalry getting worse? 

Parenting Perspective 

Understand the Triggers 

Sibling rivalry is normal in most families, but it can become draining if it turns into constant fighting or jealousy. The first step is to notice when rivalry flares up, is it worse when they are bored, when you are busy, or when they feel you are paying more attention to one child than the other? Understanding the triggers helps you respond wisely rather than just react in frustration. 

Avoid Comparisons and Praise Unique Strengths 

Try not to compare your children, even in small ways like saying, ‘Why cannot you be more like your brother?’ This can feed resentment. Instead, praise each child’s unique strengths: ‘I love how you always try your best at drawing,’ or ‘You are so patient when helping with chores.’ This reminds them they are loved for who they are, not how they compete. 

Teach Problem-Solving 

Teach problem-solving instead of always stepping in as a referee.¹ Guide them to use words: ‘Tell your sister you feel upset when she takes your toy.’ Set clear family rules: ‘No hitting, no name-calling, and we say sorry when we hurt each other.’ Be consistent and calm, children feel safe when boundaries are clear.² 

Give Them Time Apart 

Give your children time apart when needed. Sometimes too much forced togetherness fuels rivalry. Offer chances for each child to have space, hobbies, or friends of their own. One-to-one time with you helps too.³ Even ten minutes reading, walking, or playing a game can remind each child they are loved and secure. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam honours the bonds of family and teaches us to nurture them with patience and compassion. Rivalry between siblings is not new, the Quran shares lessons from the story of Prophet Yusuf (AS) and his brothers, who let jealousy cloud their hearts. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujurat (49), Verse 10: 

‘The believers are but brothers, so make settlement between your brothers… ‘

This Ayah reminds us that conflicts can be resolved and bonds renewed. 

Holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ showed us how to guide children towards kindness and reconciliation. It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1828, that holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

Allah is not kind to him who is not kind to people. 

‘If kindness is beloved for all people, it is even more vital within a family. ‘

Encourage your children to make small Duas for each other: O Allah Almighty, help me love my brother/sister. Connect their acts of patience and forgiveness to rewards from Allah Almighty. Explain that looking out for one another is an act of worship and a way to earn His pleasure. 

When handled with calm guidance, fairness, and spiritual reminders, rivalry can soften into healthy competition and strong family bonds that last a lifetime, growing your home into a place of mercy and love.