How can I stop repeating the same parenting patterns I promised myself I would never pass on? 

Parenting Perspective 

Resuming the same parenting behaviours you previously promised to stop is a sign that your healing process has started, not that you have failed. These tendencies are deeply ingrained reactions influenced by your own upbringing rather than deliberate decisions. Pause with compassion whenever you find yourself speaking in a tone you used to be afraid of or utilising control over connection. You are growing in awareness; you are not broken. Breaking generational cycles begins with raising awareness. Start by tracking the emotion that caused your response. Did you feel afraid? Feeling embarrassed? Are you worn out? Naming it loosens its grip. A selected reaction can then be introduced, such as a deep breath, a grounding statement such as I choose connection over control, or even a brief physical pause before speaking. New legacies are written in the space that is created between your response and your values. Remember, your child does not need perfection. They must see that progress is achievable. That love can be louder than old patterns. that you are rewriting the past, one deliberate moment at a time, rather than repeating it. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam gives every soul the chance to begin again, regardless of what came before. Allah Almighty says in Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 15: 

“….And no one shall bear the responsibility of the burdens of another…. “

This verse is a release. You are not held hostage by what you inherited. Your ancestors’ mistakes are not yours to carry. But the choices you make today, those are yours to own, and to elevate. The community in which the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was born buried daughters alive, normalised violence, and rarely expressed love for children. However, he changed those conventions rather than reproducing them. With every act of kindness to a child, every smile, every gentle word, he showed that lineage is not destiny. Character is. It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1162, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

“The most complete of the believers in faith is he who is best in character.” 

This Hadith encourages us to live out our beliefs by deeply improving ourselves rather than only following traditions. to react gracefully to adversity. to show pity in the face of inherited cruelty. to improve what we were given for the benefit of those who come after us. You are not merely a parent when you take the time to think things through, rather than causing hurt again, when you apologise to your child for the same injury you once suffered. A lineage is being healed by you. You choose to forgo recurrence in favour of redemption. And in His boundless mercy, Allah Almighty rewards hard work, even if you make mistakes. Every deliberate act of transformation is not solely for your child. It is a variation of Tawbah. A comeback. A rebuilding of the sacred. Raising a family is not all you are doing. You are setting the bar higher for future generations.