How can I show them they always have a choice not to imitate? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children often act as if seeing a behaviour compels them to copy it, whether it is a rude word, an aggressive action, or an exaggerated reaction. They have not yet fully grasped that they possess the power to choose differently. Teaching them this fundamental concept of choice is a key step in building their independence, self-control, and sense of responsibility. 

Teaching the Power of Personal Choice 

Explain the concept of choice in simple, empowering terms. Remind them frequently that they are in charge of their own bodies and are the only ones who can control their actions. 

• ‘Just because you see something, it does not mean you have to do it.’ 

• ‘You are the boss of your own hands and your own words.’ 

Practising the ‘Pause and Pick’ Method 

Introduce a simple two-step process they can use in the moment to help them make a conscious decision. 

• Pause: First, stop and notice what you are about to copy. 

• Pick: Second, pick the safe and kind option instead. 

You can role-play this at home by demonstrating both a negative and a positive action, then asking them directly, ‘Which one is the better choice to copy?’ 

Using Real-Life Scenarios for Practice 

When you see your child is about to imitate something negative, use it as a real-time coaching opportunity. This gives them practical experience in making a conscious choice in a simulated, real-time scenario. 

• ‘You just saw your friend push. What can you choose to do instead?’ 

• ‘I know you just heard that word, but what is a kinder word you can pick?’ 

Praising Wise and Independent Decisions 

Make a point of highlighting the moments when you see them successfully resist the urge to copy a negative behaviour. Celebrating these small victories builds their confidence and reinforces the value of making their own wise decisions. 

• ‘I saw you stop yourself from copying. That was a very strong and wise choice.’ 

• ‘You chose not to follow the crowd. That makes me very proud.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

The ability to choose between right and wrong is a fundamental gift from Allah and a core aspect of our responsibility as believers. 

Guidance from the Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Kahf (18), Verses 29: 

‘ And say (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ): “The (infinite and absolute) truth is from your Sustainer, then whoever desires, they may become believers, and whoever desires, they can (recklessly) reject (the truth)”…’ 

This verse is a powerful declaration of the free will that Allah has granted to every human being. Teaching a child that they have the power to choose not to copy a harmful act is an early and practical lesson in understanding this divine gift of responsibility. 

Guidance from the Hadith 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1829, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Every one of you is a shepherd, and every one of you will be asked about his flock.’ 

This famous hadith teaches that every individual holds a position of responsibility for which they are accountable. By teaching your child that they always have the power to choose not to imitate, you are preparing them to be accountable for their ‘flock’ their own actions and choices as they grow. When a child truly understands that they always have a choice, their self-perception shifts from that of a helpless imitator to a capable decision-maker. This builds their confidence and their sense of accountability before Allah, guiding them to act with greater kindness and self-control.