Parenting Perspective 

When you and your spouse have different parenting styles, it can be easy to focus on your disagreements while overlooking each other’s unique strengths. However, taking the time to value your spouse’s approach can not only strengthen your marriage, but can also help to create a greater sense of stability for your child. Children tend to feel most secure when they are able to see their parents showing respect for one another, even when they may be doing things differently. 

Acknowledge Their Strengths Out Loud 

You can say things like, ‘I really love how patient you are when you are explaining their homework to them,’ or, ‘The children really benefit from your playful and fun approach.’ This kind of spoken appreciation reassures your spouse that their particular style is being seen and valued by you. 

Avoid Criticising Them in Front of Your Child 

If you do happen to disagree with your spouse, it is important to keep those conversations private. In front of your child, it is always best to show a united front by affirming your spouse’s decisions. This models a deep sense of respect and prevents your child from seeing one parent as being ‘lesser’ than the other. 

Blend Your Approaches Consciously 

Try to find ways to consciously combine both of your parenting styles. For example, one parent’s preference for structure and the other’s natural gentleness can be brought together to create family routines that are beautifully balanced. 

Show Gratitude Through Your Actions 

You can offer practical gestures that show your appreciation, such as taking over the household chores after your spouse has been handling a difficult discipline situation, or simply expressing your thanks to them afterwards. Your actions can often demonstrate your appreciation more deeply than your words alone. 

By consciously affirming your spouse’s style, you will not only protect the harmony in your home, but will also teach your child that respect and teamwork are the true foundations of family life. 

Spiritual Insight 

Honour and Cooperation in Marriage 

Islam encourages spouses to honour each other’s strengths and to cooperate in the raising of their children. The act of valuing your spouse’s parenting style is an act of mercy that can strengthen both your marriage and your role as the co-guardians of your child. 

Complementing Each Other with Mercy 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Rome (30), Verses 21: 

‘And amongst His Signs (of the infinite truth) are that He (Allah Almighty) created for you, your (matrimonial) partners from your species so that you may find tranquillity from them; and designed between you love, tolerance and kindness…’ 

This verse reminds us that a spirit of affection and mercy should always guide the way that we value and support each other as spouses. 

Recognising the Good in Each Other 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1469, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A believing man should not dislike a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.’ 

This hadith teaches us the importance of focusing on each other’s strengths, and of appreciating the good in one another even when we may have our differences. By practising gratitude, affirming each other’s strengths, and showing mercy, you can demonstrate to your spouse that their parenting style is valuable and appreciated. This sense of unity will not only strengthen your own bond, but will also give your child the precious gift of growing up in a home where love and respect are always able to overcome any differences.