Parenting Perspective 

In a world that often measures children by their grades, their trophies, or their talents, it is easy for them to begin to believe that their worth is linked only to their successes. This can create a great deal of pressure, a fear of failure, and a very fragile sense of self. As a parent, you play a vital role in teaching your child that their true value comes from being loved, from the quality of their character, and from their position as a servant of Allah, not from their achievements alone. The way that you speak to them, respond to their mistakes, and celebrate their efforts will all help to shape their understanding of their true worth. 

Separate Their Identity from Their Performance 

It is important to use words that clearly separate who your child is from what they do. Reassure them often by saying, ‘I love you for who you are, not just for the things you achieve.’ Repeating this, especially after a disappointment, helps them to learn that your love for them is unconditional. 

Celebrate Their Effort and Character 

Make a conscious effort to acknowledge and praise their inner qualities, such as kindness, patience, or honesty, just as much as, if not more than, their external successes. For example, you could say, ‘I am so proud of the way you helped your sister just now. That shows you have a truly kind heart.’ 

Normalise Mistakes as a Part of Learning 

When your child fails at something, it is important to avoid any language of shame. Instead, you can normalise the experience by saying, ‘Every single one of us makes mistakes. What really matters is that we have the courage to try again.’ This helps to reframe their setbacks as a natural part of growth, not as a reflection of their identity. 

Balance Praise with Humble Reflection 

After you have praised your child for an achievement, you can add a gentle layer of gratitude by saying, ‘Masha’Allah, Allah has given you a wonderful ability. Let us remember to thank Him for it.’ This practice helps to keep their successes grounded in a feeling of humility, not in pride. 

Model a Self-Worth Beyond Your Own Achievements 

You can share your own experiences by saying, ‘Even if I do not manage to finish everything perfectly today, I know that Allah still loves me when I make a sincere effort.’ Children will naturally imitate the way that you value yourself. 

By anchoring your child’s sense of love and worth in their character and their faith, you are giving them a gift of resilience and self-esteem that worldly achievements alone could never provide. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Quran on True Honour Being in Righteousness 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verses 13: 

‘…Indeed, the best of you in the judgement of Allah (Almighty) is the one who is most virtuous…’ 

This verse reminds us that in the sight of Allah, true worth and honour come from our righteousness and piety, not from our worldly achievements, our wealth, or our status. Teaching this helps our children to see that their real value lies in the quality of their character and their closeness to Allah. 

Prophetic Guidance on the True Value of a Person 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6035, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The best among you are those who have the best manners and character.’ 

This hadith beautifully shows that the true measure of a person’s value is their good character. Parents can use this to remind their children that their worth is defined by the goodness they bring into the world, not by medals or grades. In this way, a child can grow up feeling secure in the knowledge that they are loved for who they are, not for what they achieve, by both their family and by Allah.