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How can I show emotional firmness without making my child feel they have to earn back my love? 

Parenting Perspective 

The Danger of Conditional Love 

One of the most powerful messages a child can receive is: You are loved, even when you are being corrected. A child learns that love is conditional when discipline is given in an emotionally detached manner, such as through silence, withheld affection, or a chilly tone. 

Combining Firmness with Warmth 

However, when you maintain your emotional distance while maintaining your boundaries, your child has a greater understanding of love’s stability even during difficult times. One could say, I love you. Even if I have to establish this limit, it remains the same. They feel emotionally secure enough to take criticism without worrying about being rejected because of this assurance. Gentle eye contact, a composed demeanour, and a pat on the shoulder are all important small gestures. These indicate that I am still present. Refrain from utilising warmth, attention, or hugs as a negotiating chip because doing so undermines trust. Children become more receptive, not less, when they understand that discipline does not take away affection. Being emotionally strong entails maintaining your boundaries without losing your heart. This gradually teaches your child that responsibility is a component of love, not the antithesis of it. That is what allows discipline to guide without wounding. 

Spiritual Insight 

The mercy of Allah Almighty is the ultimate example of love that remains present, even when we fall short. He does not suspend His nearness while we learn. He corrects with wisdom but never removes His mercy. Allah Almighty says in the noble Quran at Surah Al Zumar (39), Verse 53: 

Say (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ): O my servants, those of you who have transgressed against yourselves (by committing sin); do not lose hope in the mercy of Allah (Almighty); indeed, Allah (Almighty) shall forgive the entirety of your sins….” 

This verse beautifully reflects divine firmness with emotional closeness. Even when setting consequences, Allah Almighty reassures us of His love and readiness to forgive. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ mirrored this in his interactions with children. He corrected behaviour but never withheld kindness or affection as a tool of discipline. It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 5999, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

Allah Almighty is more merciful to His servants than a mother to her child. 

This analogy is a reminder that our parenting should reflect that divine kindness by addressing errors without showing emotional distance. While establishing solid boundaries, allow your child to freely breathe in your affection. Demonstrate to them that discipline is an act of caring rather than a withdrawal of affection. By doing this, you develop a child who knows that true love endures, especially when it comes to pointing them back towards the correct path, and who can confront their flaws without fear. 

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