How can I respond if my child raises their voice when upset? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child raises their voice, it is often a signal that their emotions have overflowed, rather than an act of deliberate disrespect. If a parent responds by raising their own voice, the situation can quickly escalate into a power struggle. A calm, measured response, however, helps your child to learn that even strong feelings can be expressed in a respectful way. 

Stay Calm and Lower Your Voice 

Make a conscious effort to lower your own tone when your child raises theirs. This simple contrast demonstrates that control lies in calmness, not in who can shout the loudest. Over time, children will naturally begin to mirror the tone that they see most consistently from you. 

Acknowledge the Emotion First 

Start by validating the feeling behind their loud voice. You can say something like, ‘I can see that you are very upset. Let’s talk about it once your voice is calmer.’ This acknowledges their feeling but makes it clear that shouting is not an acceptable way to express it. 

Set a Clear Boundary 

Gently but firmly state your expectation for communication. For example: ‘I am happy to listen to you when you can speak respectfully.’ It is then important to pause the conversation until they adjust their tone. By keeping this boundary consistent, your child learns that shouting is not an effective way to get results. 

Revisit Afterwards With Guidance 

Once things have settled down, you can talk about the moment in a calm way. You could say, ‘You were feeling very upset earlier, and that is okay. But shouting makes it hard for us to talk. Next time, let’s try taking a deep breath first.’ This approach turns the incident into a valuable learning opportunity. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that anger is an emotion that should be controlled and expressed in ways that do not cause harm to others. Raising one’s voice in anger can damage relationships, whereas gentleness brings blessings and mutual respect. 

Responding to Harshness with Peace 

The Quran reminds us that responding to harshness with calm words is a reflection of a person’s dignity and the strength of their faith. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verses 63: 

‘And the true servants of the One Who is Most Beneficent are those who wander around the Earth with humility; and when they are addressed by the ignorant people, they say: “Peace be unto you”.‘ 

A Prophetic Method for Managing Anger 

The prophetic tradition gives us practical, physical steps to take to calm ourselves down, showing that our physical composure can help us to control a raised voice and a rising temper. 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4782, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘When one of you becomes angry while standing, let him sit down. If the anger leaves him, well and good; otherwise, let him lie down.’ 

By responding calmly when your child raises their voice, you are mirroring the Quranic and prophetic guidance on patience and gentleness. Your child learns that while their emotions are natural, respect and calmness must always guide their communication, which helps to build a stronger character and a deeper faith.