How can I rebuild trust with my spouse when a child saw me undermining them? 

Parenting Perspective 

When you undermine your spouse in front of your child, whether by overruling their decision or criticising their words, it can weaken both your marital trust and your shared parental authority. Children are very perceptive of these moments, and it can leave them feeling confused about which parent to respect. Rebuilding that trust requires a conscious effort to repair the relationship on two levels: with your spouse and with your child. 

Apologise Directly to Your Spouse 

The first step is to apologise sincerely to your spouse. A clear statement like, ‘I should not have contradicted you in front of the children. I am sorry for that’ shows that you recognise the mistake. A public undermining requires a visible and direct repair. 

Acknowledge the Mistake in Front of Your Child 

It is also important to briefly restore your spouse’s authority in front of your child. You could say something simple, such as, ‘Your Mum/Dad was right earlier, and I was wrong to speak over them’. This signals unity to your child and clears up any confusion they may be feeling. 

Discuss Boundaries Privately 

Agree with your spouse on how you will handle disagreements in front of the children in the future. This could involve having a code word that signals a pause, allowing you to continue the discussion later in private. 

Show Consistent Respect 

For the next few days, make a conscious effort to reinforce your spouse’s authority in front of your child. You can do this with supportive words and actions that show you are a united team. 

Model Unity and Warmth 

Finally, ensure your child sees moments of warmth and affection between you and your spouse. A smile, an act of teamwork, or a word of appreciation shows your child that your relationship is stable and secure again. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places immense value on trust and harmony within the family. In the Quran, spouses are described as being like garments for one another, providing protection, dignity, and a covering for any flaws. Undermining a spouse in public damages that garment, but sincere repentance and a return to respectful behaviour can restore it. 

A Quranic Reminder on the Role of a Spouse 

The Quran uses a beautiful metaphor to describe the marital relationship, highlighting the duty of spouses to protect and honour one another. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 187: 

‘…As they are a veil (source of restraint from immorality) for you and you are a veil for them…’ 

This reminds us that spouses are meant to protect and support each other, never to expose or weaken one another in front of others. 

The Prophetic Teaching on Avoiding Disputes 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught that being quarrelsome is a trait that is hated by Allah, which shows the importance of resolving disputes with humility. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 4527, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most hated of men in the sight of Allah is the one who is most quarrelsome.’ 

This teaches us that unnecessary disputes harm our relationships, and that repairing them with humility is essential. 

By humbly repairing the trust with your spouse, you are not only strengthening your marriage but also giving your child a powerful lesson. They learn that love and respect are restored not through pride, but through humility, sincerity, and the values that Allah commands.